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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24807973">Roses have thorns, and silver fountains mud</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleur_jaune/pseuds/fleurjaune'>fleurjaune (fleur_jaune)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whatever our deserts [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Miraculous Ladybug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Minor Character Death, Moving On, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Self-Esteem Issues, Sort Of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:35:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,361</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24807973</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleur_jaune/pseuds/fleurjaune</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Gabriel's attempt to fix the Peacock Miraculous fails Nathalie bears the brunt of it. When she regains awareness things have changed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir &amp; Nathalie Sancoeur, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/Nathalie Sancoeur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whatever our deserts [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverWhisperer/gifts">SilverWhisperer</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/carola_tavs/gifts">carola_tavs</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is Nathalie's PoV of Whatever Our Deserts (this chapter covers, from the beginning to about halfway through chapter 6 of that fic, and the next chapter the remainder) since people wanted to know about her &amp; Gabriel's discussions but I think it can probably be read without it-though I do think it makes more sense with it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you sure you want to do this?” Gabriel says staring into her eyes.</p><p>Nathalie wishes he wouldn’t do that. It always feels like maybe he’ll see past her mask and grasp what she’ll thinking. Stupid, when his Miraculous can literally sense emotions and yet he’s never noticed. Or perhaps he just doesn’t care.</p><p>“Of course I am.” She says. “You’ve fixed it, it’ll be fine.”</p><p>He doesn’t look away and accept this like she hoped. Instead he reaches out to her shoulder, as if he’s doesn’t trust the evidence of his eyes that she’s there.</p><p>“Still, are you sure that you’ve recovered from the last time you used it? Even without the Miraculous I have my doubts physical exertion can be good for you.”</p><p>Looking at his concerned face, it’s unfair to say he doesn’t care about her at all, but it’s just fits of concern, the same way he has fits of doubt about the whole enterprise. If he watched her more closely he might have noticed she’s not back to normal at all, but how can she complain when it suits her that he doesn’t watch her more closely?</p><p>“I’m fine.” She lies. Letting Gabriel hesitate will only lead to delay, and she doesn’t actually enjoy suffering. The sooner Mayura’s back out in the field, the sooner all of this will be done with.</p><p>“You don’t have to go fight them yourself you know. You can stay here with me, and send your amok out without you.”</p><p>She shrugs him off, “We’ve a better chance of winning with me out there. You know that.”</p><p>The appeal to their victory wins him over. He lets his hand fall from her arm and turns his attention back to his akuma.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It’s barely a few minutes before she realises she’s made a mistake.</p><p>This can’t be what a fixed Miraculous feels like.</p><p>She’d thought it was, when she’d put it on. The effects of the Peacock Miraculous  never hit immediately on wearing it, but this had somehow felt indescribably different to normal when she’d transformed.</p><p>She had pushed through the first few twinges because it had to fine. It was supposed to be fixed. It had felt better.</p><p>Now though she feels worse than she’s ever felt. She can’t catch her breath. Something’s wrong with her heart. Her limbs aren’t obeying her commands, or they’re doing so at a delay.</p><p>Getting back to the house is hopeless. She can barely stay upright-she’ll never get there in time.</p><p>It’ll be <em>fine,</em> she tries to tell herself. Hawkmoth has always appeared to rescue her before.</p><p>Except…will Gabriel even be able to find her?</p><p>He’s not omniscient. He sees through his akumas, but she hasn’t even made it to the fight, he won’t be able to see through those eyes.</p><p>She leans against a wall and slides down to a seating position in an attempt to stave off fainting and having the choice taken from her.</p><p>She can see the commotion caused by his champion from here. It’s closer to her than the house is.</p><p>She pushes herself up to kneeling and then waveringly to standing, and pushes herself to get there. At very least that will give him somewhere to start looking from.</p><p>It’s difficult. Everything starts blurring and each step seems to send a stab through her chest.</p><p>Eventually she gives up on the rooftops, given she’s as likely to fall off one as make her way across. Mayura might be able to handle that, but if her miraculous fails halfway down Nathalie won’t.</p><p>She admits defeat when her eyesight gets even worse, and collapses in a back alley.</p><p>There’s no brainpower to spare for whether this is a safe place to stop.</p><p>She tries to concentrate on breathing.</p><p>Everything goes black.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Her eyelids are heavy, but she can sense the light through them. She must have slept late. She tries to open them but it takes too much effort.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Is it later now?</p><p>She doesn’t know.</p><p>She opens her eyes and sees whiteness.</p><p>Then something blocks it out.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>There’s a noise but she can’t tell what it is.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Talking. There’s talking.  She can hear the sounds but she can’t recognise any words.</p><p>A foreign language?</p><p>That doesn’t seem right. It sounds like French but she can’t understand it.</p><p>She opens her eyes again. People dressed in blue stand around her.</p><p>It’s too much. She falls back into unconsciousness again. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Something presses on her arm.</p><p>She tries to move her head to look but it’s too heavy. She manages to look over with her eyes instead.</p><p>Someone is doing something to a tube coming out of her arm.</p><p>She doesn’t like it.</p><p>She blinks frantically to get their attention.</p><p>They say some meaningless collection of syllables.</p><p>Part of it is repeated again.</p><p>And again.</p><p>Suddenly the sounds make sense to her.</p><p>
  <em>Nathalie. </em>
</p><p>That’s her.</p><p>She should respond but how eludes her.</p><p>She blinks once. She doesn’t know if that means much.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Talking. That’s how she should have responded. But how do you do that again?</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>A women is asking if she can hear her.</p><p>She manages to move her fingers a little and is very impressed with herself.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>They talk to her more now.</p><p>Telling her what they’re doing even though she can’t reply properly reply.</p><p>She tries to form words of her own but they always seem to come out wrong.</p><p>They say it will take time.</p><p>She’s in a hospital.</p><p>That explains all the blue clothes. Scrubs. Her mind remembers from somewhere.</p><p>They tell her she’s been in an accident.</p><p>They’d going to change her drug dosage now she’s responsive to see if they can help her brain revive quicker.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>A man often sits by her bed who is not a doctor.</p><p>She knows this because he doesn’t talk about medicine. He’s always apologising, and telling her they need her, and he won’t let this happen again.</p><p>But she knows this too because he’s familiar.</p><p>Someone important to her.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>She’s awake more often now. Time is still…fuzzy, but she thinks she’s starting to get some ideas of days.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>She manages to force her mouth to form words people recognise.</p><p>She’s very proud.</p><p>Her doctors are too.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>She forgets sometimes where she is and what’s happening but it’s getting better.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The man comes to visit her again.</p><p>He keeps apologising. He’s very sorry for the hurt he’s caused her apparently.</p><p>He’s lights up when she manages to say she’s not in pain.</p><p>She just wishes she could remember who he is.</p><p>She’d thought, maybe family of some sort, but that doesn’t seem quite right.</p><p>Was she married? Wouldn’t she remember if she was? But then, how can she know what she doesn’t remember?</p><p>She thinks she might like to be.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>She can control all her fingers now.</p><p>Why does her brain have to lag behind?</p><p>The doctors tell her to be patient. That’s she’s doing extraordinarily well.</p><p>It doesn’t feel like it.</p><p>She is discovers she is not a patient person.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The man is talking about his son wanting to see her.</p><p>Then he starts on about work.</p><p>She stares at him trying to make sense of him.</p><p>He doesn’t seem to mind.</p><p>She…worked for him, yes that’s right, but there was more too and she just can’t recall it.</p><p>His name niggles at the back of her mind.</p><p>Then she gets it.</p><p>
  <em>Gabriel.</em>
</p><p>It’s the first smile she sees on his face when she says it.</p><p>It turns out apparently she also is the type of person that likes pleasing him.</p><p>Well.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>                                                                </p><p>The nurse is fairly pleasantly chatting about life while he checks all her medications when he says “I can’t deny it’s been pleasant Hawkmoth not causing any trouble recently.”</p><p>“Hawkmoth” comes out of her mouth embarrassingly high pitched before she can stop herself.</p><p><em>That </em>would be the something else.</p><p>Whatever expression she makes apparently the nurse doesn’t recognise it as the sudden realisation that’s you’d become a supervillain to help fix the family of a man you’ve fallen in love with.</p><p>“Oh no, I wasn’t thinking what he did to you, but look this is a good sign, if you’re remembering your trauma, any amnesia must be temporary.”</p><p>It’s reported to her doctors.</p><p>She can’t actually remember her “trauma.”</p><p>They make it sound like Hawkmoth hurt her, but that can’t be right, she knows Gabriel wouldn’t do that. Not deliberately.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>She can’t ask him.</p><p>She’s not completely in charge of herself physically yet. Walking sounds like it’s going to be interesting.</p><p>But Nathalie thinks she’s got a decent proportion of her brain power back, and she needs it because she <em>can’t </em>murmur out she’s Mayura when they fiddle with her drug dosage and make her confused.</p><p>And she’s certainty got enough presence of mind to realise they can’t talk about it here. Gabriel might not, but then Gabriel thinks it’s an acceptable risk to transform in a train toilet so his opinion on this is invalid.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Something must have gone wrong with the Peacock Miraculous.</p><p>He’d fixed it she remembers that, but it must not have worked.</p><p>It can’t have been something the Ladybug &amp; Chat Noir had done. If she’d been brought in a Mayura she’d have seen police by now. The hospital staff wouldn’t be so nice to her.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The nurse had indicated Hawkmoth hasn’t been active recently.</p><p>Something’s happened, but what?</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>She wants to ask Gabriel.</p><p>She can’t.</p><p>But she can ask him something. “I hear there haven’t been any Hawkmoth attacks.”</p><p>“No.” He says. “I suppose the last one must have been just after you were admitted and there haven’t been any since.”</p><p>You’d think he had no connection to them at all. If fact he’s possibly laying on the disinterest a bit thick if she’s supposed to have been hurt in an attack.</p><p>Again though she wants to know what happened. Why did he stop? He’s lost Mayura it’s true but he’d operated without her before.</p><p>She gives it up as a mystery she can’t solve, and decides to ask about the other pressing issue on her mind, “How’s Adrien?”</p><p>He still looks so delighted whenever she speaks. She’s fairly certain he never did that before. Either that or her memories are more messed up than she thinks.</p><p>Then he seems to realise what she’s said and he honest to god winces.</p><p>“Gabriel?” she asks in concern.</p><p>“He’s good.” He says.</p><p>He’s lying. She can tell, and she has control over her facial expressions now so she can show just how sceptical she is.</p><p>Gabriel sighs. “He’s worried about you. He’s fuming at Hawkmoth for hurting you, and I should warn you rather cross at us for not telling him you were ill.”</p><p>“Warn me?”</p><p>“He wants to see you. I haven’t let him come since you started waking up. I thought it…unwise, while you weren’t yourself, and who knows what you might say.”<br/><br/>Well, that’s certainly fair. She’s no idea what she might have been saying at the start, that she didn’t let anything slip about Hawkmoth and Mayura is pure luck.</p><p>He frowns.</p><p>She’s been silent for too long.</p><p>“Would you be alright with me bringing him? I know I asked before and you reacted negatively, but it’s a very different situation now.”</p><p>“No, not that’s fine, I mean I don’t remember saying no.”</p><p>“Well, you didn’t say it exactly.”</p><p>Ah. Well, if it had been during her ‘People are Talking But I Don’t Understand it’ period then no wonder she didn’t remember it.</p><p>“Well, I’m happy to see him now. “</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Gabriel announces he’s bringing Adrien along next time, Nathalie’s delighted. She wants to see Adrien for himself, to see he’s fine. Silly, when there’s no reason to for <em>him </em>to have been hurt, but then she has been the one managing his and Gabriel’s interactions since Emilie’s disappearance and she hasn’t been there, so who knows what Gabriel’s decided to do.</p><p>Yet, just before Adrien’s due to arrive she’s suddenly panicked. Adrien’s never seen her like this. Gabriel’s seen her at her worst, but to Adrien she’s always been professional and efficient, and dressed for work. She doesn’t know how to interact with him like this.</p><p>Oh god. She’s got used to calling Gabriel by his name. It was fine. She’s not working for him here, and she’s done it in private before, but doing it <em>in front of Adrien </em>is an entire different level of inappropriateness.</p><p>Nathalie doesn’t even know how much Adrien cares about any of this. She believes he wants to see her, because he’s a sweet child, and she can believe he hates Hawkmoth, because that’s not difficult is it, but their relationship is more in the silences than the spoken.  For her, well, Adrien’s the closest thing she’s likely to have to a child of her own, but to him she might just be his father’s assistant.</p><p>Her fears seem silly when Adrien bursts through the door like a ray of sunlight. He has a way of making things seem better just by being there. It’s part of what makes him a good model. Emilie had it too. Yet it still works on Nathalie despite her years of exposure to the Agrestes.</p><p>“Nathalie!” he beams.</p><p>“Adrien” She says finding herself smiling.</p><p>“Can I hug you?” he asks.</p><p>She hadn’t even thought to ask her medical staff if that was a good idea. This will be her first non-medical touch since she’s been aware.  “Um, I think it should be ok if you’re gentle.”</p><p>He bounds up to the bed, but halts before making any contact with her, and carefully encircles her in his arms like she’d made of porcelain.</p><p>She could probably take more, but this is nice and <em>safe. </em></p><p> “I’m so glad you’re alright.” He whispers from above her head.</p><p>“Me too.” She replied.</p><p>Adrien lets go of her, apparently to better look her in the eye, because he fixes his attention on her in a manner eerily reminiscent of Gabriel and says, “Will you tell me if you start getting ill again? I know you said in your letter you didn’t want to upset me, but I would prefer to know.”</p><p>She had forgotten about the letters. Not, she thinks in a brain trauma amnesia way, but in a normal ‘I did this ages ago and this isn’t my current priority way’. Also, possibly aided by wine consumption when writing, but she’s fairly certain those were only letters to Gabriel, she was careful when she wrote to Adrien. Besides she’d edited them sober and burnt the worst of the letters, the spiteful ones, the angry ones, the too truthful ones.</p><p>Trying to avoid an immediate answer, and to try to regain some of her old professional self she re-adjusts herself in bed trying to get to more of a seated position.</p><p>She tries to keep her tone even and unaffected as she says, “Your father gave you the letter?”</p><p>“Yeah, is that not ok? You did write it for me right?” asks Adrien, clearly confused and concerned.</p><p>Admittedly true, but, well, “I did, I just...didn’t expect to be here after you read it. I'm sorry if I've made things awkward.”</p><p>Apparently she should have left more days on the delay on the email sending after she didn’t log into her account. She hadn’t bargained on a coma. She especially hadn’t bargained on a coma she’d wake up from.</p><p>Adrien is babbling trying to reassure her that her liked it, and was comforted by it.</p><p>Aware of his father’s presence she cuts him off “Still, if I overstepped any boundaries”, but then finds herself trailing off unsure how to continue.</p><p>Gabriel steps into the conversational breach, “I think Adrien just told you that you didn’t.”</p><p>Then Adrien confidently echoes him, “Father’s right.”</p><p>It’s not rehearsed but this is father and son acting comfortably in concert, and she’s wanted this since they lost Emilie if not before, and she’s no idea what’s caused this change.</p><p>Apparently unaware of her confusion Gabriel continues, “Besides there was nothing objectionable in it.”</p><p>“Sorry Nathalie, he read it before giving it to me.” Adrien adds.</p><p>“It’s alright. I expected that.” She says because she had. Gabriel’s a father who delegates her to monitor Adrien’s internet history (a depressing amount of video game cheats, schoolwork, fencing tips &amp; other fighting techniques she’s fairly certain he’s not actually allowed to use in fencing, bizarrely expensive cheeses, and a whole lot of Ladybug content.). She hardly expected him to give Adrien the letter without reading it. She’d <em>relied </em>on it as filter, assuming he’d stop it if she’d fell off the tightrope between comforting and appropriate</p><p>Then Gabriel completely upends her reality saying “I read all the letters.”</p><p>“What?” She finds herself blurting out, in disbelief at just what an idiot she’d been.  She’s so used to Gabriel following the directions she lays out for him regards day to day life, that it never occurred to her he’d just ignore her instructions. Or maybe she’d just thought he respected her enough to at least follow her final wishes.</p><p>She is annoyed at him actually and she clings to that as she frantically tries to defend herself and bring this conversation back to a more formal level “I wrote different letters for different scenarios for a reason, sir, I hardly expected you to give Adrien one of his without checking the content, but I thought it was very obvious you were only supposed to open the applicable ones, I colour-coded them, I made a flowchart to explain it.”</p><p>Outwardly she tries to stay calm while she speaks but inwardly she’s a riot of emotions. What she’d written to Adrien is probably fine, but what she’d written to <em>Gabriel </em>is another matter completely<em>. </em>Gabriel who she’s not even sure has actually thought through to the logical endpoint of their quest.</p><p>She’s not even sure exactly what she wrote in all of them now, just how explicit had she been about her feelings. She’d made it pretty clear she thinks, though she’s not sure it’s possible to be unclear when you’re telling someone you were willing to give your life for their happiness.</p><p>Adrien interrupts her mental panic. “Wait, you wrote multiple letters to <em>us</em>?”</p><p>At least Gabriel only give him his one. Though the she doubted he wanted to deal with the questions her other letters would raise in his son, about why she was talking about him having his mother back.</p><p>“Yes,” She admits in defeat, “But you were only supposed to read one each.” She levels her best glare at Gabriel “I thought your father capable of reading a flowchart.”</p><p>Said man looks completely unrepentant at her reprimand. “I think” he stresses “that we have both been labouring under certain misconceptions that would be better discussed later, in private, but I do want to make very clear that I never would have asked of you what you seem to think I expected. I hadn’t said so before because I wasn’t sure you were well enough to understand my meaning, but I think you are now.”</p><p>She remembers enough of what she wrote to know there’s only one interpretation of that. It’s difficult to put the words together upon discovering that apparently in his version of reality she wasn’t supposed to die to bring Emilie back, and that she’s made a fool of herself in the letters, and in fact in everything, because she might have been Mayura more sparingly if she’d known she was meant to survive at the end.</p><p>She tries regardless and sounds like a fool in the process, “I um, I mean, uh, I don’t suppose we could just forget it all, sir?”</p><p>“I don’t think we can.” He says, and she’s preparing herself for she doesn’t know what- an awkward apology? A brush-off? An explanation that obviously the company will cover her sick leave, but she must understand it would be inappropriate for them to work together in the future?</p><p>Then he smiles as if she has any idea what to do with that saying “and I think it’s a little late to call me sir at this point.”</p><p>With the dopey smile that he’s never turned on her before in their lives it doesn’t sound like the dismissal it could have been. Only an acknowledgement that after all of this relationship can’t be on a purely professional basis anymore. That line was probably crossed when she became Mayura really, but she’s tried to pretend it wasn’t as protection. </p><p>Thankfully Adrien is still here giving her an excuse to procrastinate whatever’s coming a bit longer. “Then I agree it would be more appropriate to discuss it without Adrien’s presence, yes.”</p><p>“I can give you privacy if you want” offers Adrien, looking like any teenage boy confronted by adults having emotions.</p><p>Sometimes she regrets helping his parents install manners into him. “That’s very sweet Adrien but It this isn’t really a suitable place to have this discussion.”</p><p>For once Gabriel seems to pick up on her emotional state. “We can table it until you get home if you want. I don’t want to stress you out when you’re recovering, but I wanted you to know.”</p><p>She’s not sure she wanted to, but putting all of this off til later seems like the best possible outcome here. She accepts “I’d like that.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Either now he’s been allowed to come Adrien is refusing to be let behind or Gabriel has developed a hitherto unknown sense of emotional sensitivity because he hasn’t come alone since the letter revelation giving them both a barrier from the temptation of discussing anything.</p><p>So she has a very justified sense of foreboding when he appears in the middle of the day when Adrien must be at school.</p><p>She tells herself to calm down. Even without Adrien they can’t talk about it without talking about Hawkmoth, and Gabriel won’t bring that up here.</p><p>He doesn’t but she’s not sure what he is saying is that much better.</p><p>“What do you mean you told them you’re going back to your apartment once you’re discharged?” He exclaims.</p><p>She doesn’t have to fake her confusion, “What did you I think I was going to tell them?”</p><p>“That you’d come to our house obviously.” He says it like he can’t believe she’d even consider other options.</p><p>The “our” throws her for a moment but she assumes he means himself and Adrien. Perhaps she shouldn’t be surprised. For all his faults when he’s worried he does care. It’s not even the first time he’s made this offer. He’s never liked her going home after using the Peacock Miraculous, but that was before the letters. Surely he can’t think they’ve changed nothing.</p><p>Even without them “That’s ridiculous.”</p><p>“I don’t see why.” He says infuriatingly. “They’ll be able to release you earlier if there’s people around to help you, and it’s not as if we don’t have the space.”</p><p>He has to be being obtuse on purpose. There’s no way he can’t see the problem with this.</p><p>“You know that’s not the issue.” She tries to get him to admit it.</p><p>“I know you value your independence but you almost died. Let me help you for once.”</p><p>“Gabriel, I’m your assistant, I’m not your” she cuts herself off before she can say wife or something equally embarrassing, “whatever would make this appropriate. Have you even thought about how this would look?”</p><p>“I can’t say I really care, and” he reaches out to grab her hand “you must know you’re more than that to me.”</p><p>Him saying things like that is part of why she can’t just move into his house. That’s just a recipe for heartbreak if she’s ever heard one.</p><p>She waits for him to let go of her hand. He doesn’t and she’s forced to pull hers back instead.</p><p>“I care.” She says. “It’s different for you, but do you know how many snide comments people make about me earning my pay from you on my back? It’s been bad enough since we started working from your home full time. I can’t justify rumours by moving in with you.”</p><p>“Who’s said that to you? You shouldn’t have to deal with that.”</p><p>“I don’t keep a list of all of them.” Only the worst offenders, but she’s not telling him that now. The whole thing would be easier to ignore if it wasn’t for the fact if it wasn’t for Emilie she probably wouldn’t have the self-respect to turn him down if Gabriel ever did ask. “Besides if we do this it’ll be too many to keep track of even for me.”</p><p>“I don’t know. Your organisational skills are pretty formidable.”</p><p>She doesn’t dignify his attempt at a joke with an answer.  </p><p>He sighs. “We’ll keep it quiet. Trust me to deal with the press at least. And if you won’t do it for me, do it for Adrien.”</p><p>Using Adrien is a low blow and he knows it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Nathalie” Adrien says, “You are coming back with us right?”</p><p>Gabriel is standing in the corner of the room doing his best to look completely innocent. Right now taking him up on the offer is tempting if only because she’d be able to shout at him freely in the Agreste Mansion.</p><p>“I know I’ve spent a lot of your life getting you to do what your father tells you, but you don’t have to fight this battle for him you know.”</p><p>Adrien scrunches up his face in a way that would make a photographer despair. “I’m not asking you for him.”</p><p>“Did, or did he not put you up to this?”</p><p>“Sort of. But I’m asking you because <em>I </em>want you back home with us, not because he does.”</p><p>“Oh Adrien, that’s not doable.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>She can hardly tell Adrien what people say about her and his father, and that’s probably exactly why Gabriel’s engineered this.</p><p>She’s left it too long to answer.</p><p>Adrien continues. “I don’t understand, if it would let you leave the hospital earlier then why wouldn’t you want to?”</p><p>“I just want to be back in my own home.” She says trying to give a neutral answer.</p><p>It can’t have succeeded because Adrien’s face falls. “I’m sorry, I guess I forgot my home’s just your workplace.”</p><p>Filled with a boldness she wouldn’t have without knowing he’d read her letter, and Gabriel’s odd non-response to them, she says “Adrien, look at me. You’re not wrong, it is more to me than just that. It’s got you in it for a start. I just don’t think it’s the best place for my recovery.”</p><p>“I can stay out of your way if you’re worried about me bursting in on your all the time.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m not concerned about that.” <em>Adrien’s</em> not the one likely to infringe on her privacy.</p><p>“So you’ll come?”</p><p>“If you’re not acting on your father’s instructions then why are you so set on this?”</p><p>“I’ve missed you, and I know it’s a long time until you’ll be working again, and I didn’t want to wait until then to see you.”</p><p>“You’re welcome to visit me at home.”</p><p>“I guess.” He groans in defeat, sounding more like a stereotype of a teenager than the eager polite boy she’s used to.</p><p>Unfortunately she’s fairly certain this is the capitulation of a battle not the war.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>She can’t keep up her defences against both of them.</p><p>She’s not used to Gabriel and Adrien working <em>together. </em>It figures that when they finally do, it would be against her.</p><p>She moves into the guest room. At least this way she’s got a chance of working out what this new dynamic between them is.</p><p>It’s a good sign though, if she doesn’t wake up next time then at least she can take comfort in the fact that Gabriel’s realised he doesn’t need her to manage his relationship with Adrien.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The doctors, in the dark about her whole condition being caused by magic, keep telling her she’s a medical miracle. The speed of her recovery. The lack of memory-loss other than the incident itself. How unaffected her personality is.</p><p>Only she’s starting to wonder about that last one.</p><p>She’s beginning to develop a total antipathy for schedules.</p><p>Of course it’s possible the change in her opinion comes from this being one Gabriel’s inflicting on her instead of one she’s drawing up for him, rather than from trauma induced brain injury.</p><p>They both know nothing about her condition has anything to do with science so his insistence on trying to follow the recovery plan the doctors have drawn up for her when she’s clearly surpassing their best predications is clearly ridiculous.</p><p>On top of that, he keeps touching her. Some of it is necessary, especially early on when she needs the help to stand, but much of it isn’t. He’d always been like that after the effects of the Peacock too but at least that usually hadn’t been in a bedroom.</p><p>This evening he’s been fussing verbally and physically so perhaps it not a surprise when she finally snaps “Are we ever going to talk about it?”</p><p>“Talk about what?”</p><p>“I don’t know” she says “The letters? What even happened to me? What’s going on with Hawkmoth? Take your pick.”</p><p>He takes a step back from her as if shocked by her vehemence.</p><p>“I wasn’t sure you were ready to.” He says.</p><p>She’s not sure that she is either but, “We can’t keep dancing around it. What happened?”</p><p>“I thought I’d fixed the Peacock Miraculous.”</p><p>“Yes, I remember that.”</p><p>“How much did you remember after that?”</p><p>“Not much.” She admits.</p><p>He cautiously approaches her like she’s an animal about to bolt and sits down next to her.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Nathalie. I failed you. I’ve combed through the Grimorie and I don’t know where I went wrong but you never arrived at the battle. I went out to look for you but that irritating Chat Noir kept getting in the way. Eventually I lost him, and I found you unconscious in a back alley, detransformed. I took your miraculous and was considering detransforming myself when that boy arrived and interfered. He said he’d take you to the hospital but he just called an ambulance for you like he was a civilian.”</p><p>She can see Gabriel visibly bristling with his hatred for the so-called superhero and she instinctively reaches out to comfort him before she remembers she’s not supposed to be encouraging all this touching.</p><p>He visibly calms when her hand covers his though and she can’t really bring herself to care, “Hey, I’m here. I’m ok.”</p><p>“No thanks to them.” He spits but he moves his hand out from under hers and takes it to hold instead, running his thumb back and forth over her fingers as if she’s the one in need of comfort.</p><p>“And then,” she dredges up their conversation in the hospital, “no, you sent an akuma out after that didn’t you?”</p><p>“Uh, yes” he says but he looks away refusing to meet her eyes.</p><p>“Gabriel?” she prompts.</p><p>“It wasn’t my finest moment. I, uh, I thought I’d killed you, you must understand. I’d been drinking a lot.”</p><p>“With Adrien in the house?”</p><p>“Thankfully his bodyguard kept him out of the way. I did have a bit of heart attack one day when I realised I didn’t know where he was and I checked the cameras to see he’d come home from school and it didn’t show him.”</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“Oh, nothing. They were just late. They’d been dropping his friend’s home apparently.”</p><p>He’s stalling. “So the akuma?”</p><p>“I mainly blame the Châteauneuf-du-Pape. Stupidly I went off to the lair god knows when in the morning, I suppose I thought maybe if I won then I wouldn’t lose you at all. Anyway, it turns out sleep powers aren’t the most useful to give an akuma in the middle of the night.”</p><p>“You gave an akuma, sleep powers in”</p><p>“Yes.” He cuts her off.</p><p>“In fairness that could have been useful if Ladybug &amp; Chat Noir had been hit.”</p><p> “I wasn’t exactly giving her the best direction. I was a little distracted.”</p><p>“Ah.”</p><p>He doesn’t continue anymore so she’s forced to pick up the conversation, “So did they somehow get the Butterfly Miraculous without exposing you?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You said there were no akumas since then, I thought you must have lost the Miraculous somehow, since you clearly haven’t been identified as Hawkmoth.”</p><p>His grip on her hand softens slightly and he looks down at their entwined hands. “I suppose I deserve that. No I didn’t lose the Miraculous. “</p><p>Hope rises in her chest and she tries to force it down. “You stopped? I don’t understand what changed?”</p><p>He looks back up at her in disbelief. “What changed? I thought I’d lost you.”</p><p>Now it’s her turn to draw away though it’s difficult to do so when seated. “You and I both know I’m not enough.”</p><p>He can’t deny it. Not when if he truly believed that he could have stopped her using the Peacock Miraculous. Oh, he’d make feints towards it. Taking it away from her, locking it in the safe, but they’ve worked so closely for so long he must have known those efforts were insufficient.</p><p>He sighs. “I think you’re underestimating yourself. If it wasn’t for your hospitalisation I don’t know that I could have done it, but it was Adrien that gave me the final push.”</p><p>“Adrien?”</p><p>“We had something of a discussion. He was very explicit that he wouldn’t condone our actions. He said he didn’t want Emilie back, he said he wanted me back.” However long ago this discussion was he still sounds surprised.</p><p>She doesn’t know why. She could have told him that a year ago.</p><p>But, “Adrien knows you’re Hawkmoth?”</p><p>He shakes his head, “No, this was a hypothetical conversation.”</p><p>What. “How do you even get to discussing this as a hypothetical?”</p><p>“Well.” He admits. “There wasn’t another casket ready, and it would have been difficult getting you out of the hospital, so I felt there was a time limit.”</p><p>She’s never been sure keeping Emilie in suspended animation is actually necessary for the Wish. If the two Miraculouses together can control life and death, then it seems like they shouldn’t need a perfect body. If, as optimal they can stop any of this happening in the first place then it seems even more surplus to requirements.</p><p>She’d thought it was just some sort of macabre reminder of why he was going this to motivate himself. Or, a literal manifestation of his inability to lay Emilie to rest. She can’t even blame him, enclosed in glass Emilie looks like she’s sleeping.</p><p>Yet if Gabriel thought it necessary to revive her maybe she’s missing something. He knows more about the Miraculous than she does after all.</p><p>Nathalie knows she’s focusing on the wrong thing, she just can’t quite process that he’d apparently seriously considered installing <em>her </em>in the basement next to Emilie, as if they were of equal worth.</p><p>Who knows what’s showing on her face because Gabriel has stopped talking and is looking at her in concern.</p><p>“Go on then.” She reassures him.</p><p>“So we hadn’t been very successful with the akumas. So I decided to try something else.”</p><p>“Something else?”</p><p>“Asking the heroes to help.”</p><p>She blinks in shock. “That’s blatant. Weren’t you concerned they’d put it together? How would you even contact them?”</p><p>He cradles her face with his free hand. “You forget that I had a very public reason to be looking for their help. You were discovered in Hawkmoth’s arms. As far as Paris is concerned they’re the ones that failed you.”</p><p>She resists the temptation to lean into his touch, but doesn’t pull away. “But if they wished for me, that wouldn’t help you get Emilie back.”</p><p>He pushes her hair off her face and tucks it behind her ear before responding, “I’d have had you back, and if they’d have lent me their Miraculous I don’t see why I couldn’t have saved you both. As for getting in contact, you were the one that told me the Ladyblogger was in Adrien’s class.”</p><p>She bats away his hand from where it’s hovering behind her ear. “Did you actually willingly talk to one of Adrien’s classmates?”</p><p>It would be more appropriate to talk to the parents first but then Gabriel’s never had the best grasp of that sort of thing. Look at his dealings with Lila Rossi.</p><p>“Ah, no. I asked Adrien to.”</p><p>“And that lead to this discussion of using the Miraculouses.”</p><p>“Not quite. He contacted the heroes himself. Apparently he’s friends with them.”</p><p>“Oh god.” She exclaims but it can’t fully express her horror at the idea. It was bad enough how many of his friends they akumatised but that was an unfortunate side effect of their Miraculouses being better at picking up close by emotions. The idea that he also knew the people they were fighting just drove home how lucky they’d been he’d never been seriously hurt by an akuma.</p><p>“Yes, I had a similar reaction” Gabriel admits. “Apparently they even tried to recruit him, but thankfully he had the sense to turn them down.”</p><p>She frowns. “Are you sure he turned them down? That doesn’t sound like Adrien.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You know his crush on Ladybug, and he’s no coward, and he’s athletic, and smart. I’d have thought he’d jump at the chance. “</p><p>“Thank you for terrifying me further, but no, he said they offered him the Snake. Viperion looks nothing like Adrien.”</p><p>“Mayura looks nothing like me.”</p><p>He glances sideways and blushes. “Well, not to an outside observer-the blue skin and pink eyes throws off a lot, and the hair, makeup and lack of glasses more, but I can recognise you.”</p><p>“You know it’s me. That’s not the same.” She says even if she’s wondering if she should swear off ever wearing contacts for good.</p><p>“I believe Adrien when he says he’s not Viperion.”</p><p>“Well I hope you’re right.” She says. “So, Adrien contacted the heroes and?”</p><p>Images of Gabriel trying to fight Ladybug and Chat Noir as himself fly through her mind and she has to remind herself it’s can’t have happened. He’s in front of her. He’s fine.</p><p>“He asked them, or maybe just Chat Noir, in retrospect I’m not quite sure, but he came home, told me he’d spoken to them, and we couldn’t get you back with the wish because it would at the cost of someone else. Obviously I disagreed and ”</p><p>“You upset him.”</p><p>“I couldn’t just give up.”</p><p>“Haven’t you?” she asks unsure what answer she's hoping for. Gabriel's wavered before, but he’s never held off on Akumas for this long.</p><p>“I don’t know. Adrien was very distressed at the whole idea, and seemed fixated on the idea I preferred the idea of killing someone to looking after him, and that’s never been what’s driven me, you know that. It’s been about getting Emilie back for what I can’t do, not killing someone for what I don’t want to do.”</p><p>“I know.” She says squeezing his hand back in reassurance.  Suddenly a thought occurs to her. “Perhaps it’s a good thing you weren’t able to tell him you were Hawkmoth.” She’d honestly thought knocking down the lies between Adrien and Gabriel before it could escalate further would be a good thing but if it had broken them apart, she’d never have been able to forgive herself.</p><p>Gabriel makes a noncommittal noise in response. “He hates Hawkmoth you know. Admittedly I can’t pretend I didn’t have similar feelings at the time, but it’s all affected him much more than I realised.”</p><p>She’s not sure what to do with the idea of Gabriel hating Hawkmoth, but “This sounds like it was a long conversation.”</p><p>“Ah, no this was a different one. When we were visiting you in hospital actually.” His voice wavers.</p><p>“Hey, I’m ok now.” It’s not totally a lie. She is. She just doesn’t know how long it will last. “Don’t blame yourself for that.”</p><p>“Shouldn’t I?”</p><p>“It was my choice to be Mayura.” She can’t not comfort him, and it is the truth, even if he never put his all into stopping her.</p><p>“Well I hope you never have to sit through the conversations I’ve had with Adrien. Though I must say I’m not sure he ever complained about Mayura the way he did Hawkmoth.” He tries to smile at her, and lighten the coversation but it doesn’t reach his eyes.</p><p>His face falls when she doesn’t smile back. “He wanted me to promise to forget the Miraculouses, to get through all of this together. To spend time together.” He admits.</p><p>For a moment she wonders if Adrien truly doesn’t know the truth about Gabriel being Hawkmoth. That promise couldn’t be more exact if Adrien had tried.</p><p>“Did you?”</p><p>“I promised to try.”</p><p>“And there's been no Akumas since?”</p><p>“None Paris has heard of.”</p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>“I tried akumatising myself again. Not to go after the heroes, I was going to hold to that, but I couldn’t just abandon you. The Butterfly has no powers to revive Emilie but you were still living with only normal medical assistance, and Adrien had raised the idea, and I thought I couldn’t not try.”</p><p>“Did it work?” He looks at her in confusion. “I mean, I <em>am </em>awake and alive now.”</p><p>“No, that was all you, and distance from the Peacock I suppose. We were right, the Butterfly has no healing abilities. I couldn’t get any akuma identity to take. All I managed to do was almost akumatise Adrien.”</p><p>She pulls her hand out of his in shock. “<em>You akumatised Adrien?”</em></p><p>“Almost!”</p><p>“How do you almost akumatise someone?”</p><p>“The akuma flew away. His emotions were similar to mine actually” Gabriel admits sounding slightly confused, “Thankfully, that meant there wasn’t an easy character for him to become, and once I transformed I was able to talk him down. Though not before him blamed me for the harm I’d done to this family again.”</p><p>Nathalie is about to say that what happened to Emilie wasn’t Gabriel’s fault when she realises, “but why would Adrien connect Hawkmoth and Emilie?”</p><p>Gabriel frowns. “Nathalie he was talking about you.”</p><p>“Oh.” She says. It feels insufficient. “It didn’t occur to me.” She adds. Since she’s woken up she’s realised Adrien bears more affection for her than she’s realised but there’s a lot of space between that and viewing her as family.</p><p>“It should have. You’ve always been there for us.”</p><p>For all that she forced this conversation she finds herself unready for where it’s going.</p><p>Swallowing her feelings she asks the important question, knowing it will distract him, “So you’re giving up? There won’t be any more Hawkmoth and Mayura?”</p><p>“There certainly won’t be any more Mayura.” He says.</p><p>“Gabriel, I’m getting better, Emilie never improved like this, if I have to take that risk for you I will.”</p><p>“You won’t be able to. I’ve taken the choice out of your hands. Out of my hands for that matter.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“I’ve given up the Peacock Miraculous. The heroes have it now. Let them deal with the cursed thing.”</p><p>“<em>You gave it up?” </em>comes out embarrassingly high pitched. Catching her breath she manages to continue in a more normal pitch. “Why would you give up the only thing that levels the playing field for us to them?”</p><p>“You nearly died.” He yells. “It took Emilie from me and it almost took you too.”</p><p>Her breathing’s still uneven and embarrassingly she can feel her eyes are wet. Why is she starting to cry?</p><p>Hasn’t Gabriel just done what she’d thought he’d never do? Put her ahead of Emilie? She should be happy, she shouldn’t be crying. Maybe it’s hormonal, she’s no idea what her hospital stay has done to her cycle.</p><p> “Nathalie?” Gabriel asks, the volume gone from his voice. He almost sounds timid. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”</p><p>“I’m not” she manages to get out. “I don’t know why I’m reacting like this.”</p><p>“Nathalie.” He sighs and then before she knows what’s happening she’s pressed up against him, encircled by his arms.</p><p>She takes the opportunity to hide her face in his shoulder. She’s not sure he’ll appreciate the tear-marks on his blazer but she has no plans to let him see anymore of her unattractive crying face. Besides it feels nice. Dangerous, but nice.</p><p>This is just offering comfort, she’s done the same for him plenty of times. When she shudders, she can feel him rubbing her back trying to comfort her as he murmurs meaningless reassurances into her hair.</p><p>When she manages to gather herself together enough to talk she pulls away a little but he doesn’t loosen his arms and she’s trapped looking up at him.</p><p>“I’m sorry” she offers hoping she’ll be able to escape, even if the odd tear is still escaping from her eyes.</p><p>His arms loosen slightly so he can look at her better. “Why are you apologising, I’m the one that should be sorry. I almost killed you, and then I read your letters and you thought I was going to all the time, and you stayed with me.”</p><p>Now he’s the one that sounds like about to cry.</p><p>She takes her hands away from where she placed them to push herself away and reaches around him to pull them back into a tighter embrace. If it has the advantage of hiding her face when she makes her response, as well as offering him comfort, well, he doesn’t need to know that.</p><p>He shudders under her. “Why would you think I wanted that? Why would you do that for me?”</p><p>She’s thankful suddenly of her crying fit so he can’t find anything odd in her taking time to catch her breath before replying. “Was I supposed to let someone be sacrificed for it? We don’t know how the Wish works exactly, what if it had picked Adrien?”</p><p>Now he’s crying in earnest and isn’t able to respond to her. So she continues,  “I was dying from the moment I put the Peacock on, we both knew that, and we both knew on some level what it would cost to get her back, I don’t know how it wasn’t supposed to be me.”</p><p>“It should have been me.” Gabriel chokes out.</p><p>She pulls away from him. Seeing the tear-tracks on his face she has to resist the temptation to kiss them away.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“If it was going to be any of us it should have been me, dying to bring her back.”</p><p>“But you taking Emilie’s place wouldn’t have fixed anything.”</p><p>He inhales and exhales until he’s able to speak. “I’d have done what she’d asked of me. Adrien might have only had one parent but he’d have superior one. You’d still be alive.”</p><p>This is new. Whatever he says now she’s convinced this wasn’t his plan before. She doesn’t like it.</p><p>“How about neither of us die?” she offers.</p><p>“That sounds like a nice idea.” He agrees shakily.</p><p>She leans back against him and they stay there for a while, and she finds her eyes closing of their own accord. All that crying has taken it out of her it seems. And she feels safe here ironic as it seems.</p><p>Something keeps occurring to her and loathe as she is to break their peace she has to know before she falls asleep. “Gabriel?”</p><p>“Hmm?” he responds sounding almost as sleepy as her.</p><p>“When did you give up the Peacock?”</p><p>“Oh, when you started regaining consciousness. Once there was a chance of you recovering I couldn’t jeopardise that.”</p><p>“I see” She yawns, and burrows in closer against him, giving into sleep.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Nathalie knows she isn’t fully back to normal, and she can’t really fault Gabriel for not wanting her back to work, but that didn’t mean she was going to give up the battle about <em>where </em>she stayed in the house.</p><p>She could walk now even if her stamina was low. Unfortunately he seemed convinced she was going to get tired, fall down the stairs and crack her head open.</p><p>Once again she muses that the idea of having Gabriel’s attention was turning out to be nicer than actually having it. Not that she took no enjoyment from all of this but it turned out that for all she’d technically taken orders from him for years having him try to micromanage her life was a different thing entirely. That was her job.</p><p>Today though was a success. She’d managed to settle herself in the living room rather than the bedroom, so the chances of her being bored out of her skull were at least slightly reduced. She had her book to focus on too, though she had to admit she couldn’t sit and read for as long as she used to be able to. Not without getting a headache, but it’s a small price to pay for her recovery.</p><p>She looks up from it when she hears the door open. Adrien appears in the doorway.</p><p>“Oh, Hi Nathalie. I wasn’t expecting you to be here.”</p><p>“Contrary to your father’s ideas, I can’t always stay in my room. Did you need something?”</p><p>“I was going to practise piano but I can do it later if I’m interrupting.”</p><p>She’d have known that usually. Not knowing what the Agrestes are meant to be up to all the time is like an itch she can’t scratch.</p><p>“Go ahead.” She gestures to the piano, “If you don’t mind my listening, I’m making very little progress with this anyway,” she waves the book at him.</p><p>“If you’re sure,” he says but heads over to the piano.</p><p>It’s no suffering at all to listen to Adrien’s playing. There’s some mistakes and stopping and starting when he’s starting on a new piece but generally to Nathalie’s untrained ear it all seems played as well as any recording. Gabriel who’s actually into this sort of music might disagree but despite booking concerts for him and Emilie to attend, and listening to the music he plays in the Atelier when the mood strikes over the years, she’s never become a connoisseur of music.</p><p>She’s able to lose herself in the music for a while. Going back to her book every so often when her brain feels up to it.</p><p>When Adrien finishes a piece and doesn’t start another, she looks over and sees he’s putting his music away, apparently preparing to leave. She looks at her watch. More time has passed than she realised. He must be done with piano. While she still mourns her access to his schedule she's fairly certain that unless anything’s changed he doesn’t usually have anything else on today until his basketball match and he shouldn’t need to leave for that for over an hour.</p><p>It’s as good a time as any to ask something that’s been bugging her. “Adrien?”</p><p>He looks up from his pile of music. “Hmm?”</p><p>“Where did the portrait in the hall go?”</p><p>“Storage I guess. I don’t think my father picked anywhere to relocate it to.”</p><p>Adrien doesn’t look too concerned which is a relief, with how erratic the behaviour that Gabriel had admitted to was, she had been worried about what he might not have told her. She can’t say she’s sad to see the back of the thing, she’d admired Gabriel’s devotion to Emilie but that wasn’t one of its more worthwhile expressions.  “Is he putting the old family portrait back there instead?”</p><p>She could swear Adrien freezes for a second, but then he just says, “No, he was getting a new one.”</p><p>Perhaps he really is trying to move on. She tries to joke to reassure Adrien, “I hope he’s let you smile in this one, don’t tell him I said so but the old one was a little gloomy.”</p><p>“It really was.”</p><p>“Well, I suppose I’ll see this one soon enough.” She says thinking the conversation is over and picking her book back up.</p><p>Adrien seems less certain.  “Yeah, I’m sure,” then he says “You should probably ask my father about it though.”</p><p>At that she looks back up to see his nervousness has worsened. “I should?”</p><p>“It might be a good idea.” He says.</p><p>It’s a good thing at least one of the Agreste males has some sort of sense of shame. Though goodness knows what Gabriel could have done, that Adrien’s trying to warn her about.  “What’s he done this time?”</p><p>The boy squirms and deflects “Um, I think you should ask him. I mean, it’s nothing bad, just you might want to know, and he should be the one to tell you?”</p><p>“I suppose I should then.” She says adding it to her mental to do list.</p><p>She considers. Adrien doesn’t look like he’s in a hurry and this conversation has already gotten more complex than she was expecting. “Adrien, can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Sure.” He shrugs.</p><p>“How <em>has </em>it been with your father since my episode?”</p><p>If she’d thought he looked nervous before he looks much worse now. She can almost see his mind working trying to decide what to tell her. It’s concerning. He shouldn’t have to be editing his response for her. Unfortunately while she’s sure Gabriel’s trying, he’s spent so little time with Adrien since Emilie succumbed that he can’t have any idea what Adrien wants or needs now.</p><p> “Adrien?” She repeats. “I know he’s been trying to be better, but”</p><p>He interrupts her eagerly. “Did he say that to you, Why ask me then? He wouldn’t lie to you.”</p><p>“No, he wouldn’t and I certainly trust his determination once he’s decided on anything, but his ideas of how to solve things can be a bit,” she pauses thinking of the whole debacle they’d caught themselves in, “different to other peoples’. If something isn’t right you can tell me, and I’ll talk to him if you don’t want to.”</p><p>She wouldn’t have gone in and just asked him like that before, but post the letters, moving in the Agreste’s home, and having a joint breakdown with his father, she’s fairly sure any illusion of appropriate professional distance is non-existent at this point, so there seems little point in the silent dancing around it they used to do when she interfered in Gabriel and Adrien’s relationship.</p><p>He shrugs. “That’s ok. I mean things are a little awkward and I wish we’d do more actual things together but they are improving.”</p><p>He’s not lying but it’s not the whole truth either. “You don’t sound happy.”</p><p>“No! I am, I mean, everything that’s happening is good, I just. Did he tell you how we ending up talking about it?”</p><p>She does, and given what Gabriel had told her, she should have realised that it would affect Adrien, but she’d been distracted at the time. Unsure what Adrien needs for her she strains to keep her voice blank as she says, “He did.” </p><p>“Did he tell exactly what was said?”</p><p>“Not word for word no.” She admits.</p><p>“Did he tell you he was happy for someone else to die to bring you or maman back?”</p><p> “Ah.” This will be difficult to navigate. It had never been a great moral quandary for Nathalie but then she’d thought she’d be giving her own life. Even if she hadn’t, well, she’s never claimed to be a good person.</p><p>“You’re not surprised.” He says eyes narrowing.</p><p>She tries to fake nonchalance, shrugging. “He can be fixated on things when he sets his mind to it. What exactly did he say to you? This must have been a hypothetical.”</p><p>“It’s sort of a long story.” Adrien admits.</p><p>“Go on.”</p><p>“So did he tell you he wanted to contact Ladybug and Chat Noir to help you?”</p><p>“He did, but I think he said you were the one to actually contact them? That you know them somehow?” She doubts he’ll tell her more than he told his father but it seems worth a try.</p><p>Adrien equivocates with his hands, “Uh, sort of. I don’t know who they are or anything, but yeah, I’ve met them a few times.”</p><p>“You’ve met them enough to be able to contact them when you want?” she says sceptically.</p><p>“That’s putting it a bit strongly, Chat Noir knew about you and wanted to check I was ok.”</p><p> “Right, and he knew you enough to do that.” She realises she’s been unable to keep how little she likes his connections to the heroes completely out of her voice, and tries to correct, “That’s sweet of him. You should say thank you for me if you see him again.“</p><p>Adrien gives a sheepish smile. “Sure, he'd like to hear it.” Then his face turns serious “He was really sorry he couldn’t help you, you know, but there really wasn’t anything he and Ladybug could do. Trying to use their powers to help you would take an equal price from someone else.”</p><p>“And when you told your father he didn’t want to accept this.” And Gabriel by his own admittance had blown up, “That must have been a difficult conversation for you.”</p><p>Thankfully rather than upset Adrien radiates indignation. “He didn’t even seem to think it was a problem! He accused me of not caring about you enough, like that was the only reason I'd have a problem with trying to steal from Ladybug and Chat Noir and then using their powers to kill people. He was all like 'what if it was your mother' as if that would change anything.”</p><p>It’s flattering to hear him equate them like that, even if only as equal to everyone else in the world. Even if she was one of the supervillains conspiring to do just what he’s complaining about. Of course for Gabriel there wouldn’t be that silver lining, “and you told him that?”</p><p>“Yes! You can’t just inflict something like that on someone else, even to save someone you care about.”</p><p>“No, no that would be unfair” she verbally agrees to placate him. It makes her a hypocrite, but it wouldn’t be the first time.</p><p>Unfortunately he must pick up on some of the falsity of her tone, “You can’t agree with him?”</p><p>She doesn’t exactly. She’d known it was wrong, but once she’d realised what she was ready to do she’d thought there was an easy solution, and part of her still wonders if Adrien would really turn down her plan as easily as his fathers. “I…no. No you’re right that would be wrong. You couldn’t cast do it unless someone volunteered.”</p><p>He catches her meaning quickly “To sacrifice themselves? Do you think someone would do that?”</p><p>She’s about to say yes immediately when she remembers that Adrien thinks they’re talking about what would have been acceptable to revive her. “Well, not for me, but in other situations yes, some people would to save people they love.”</p><p>Adrien frowns, “Would you?”</p><p>It doesn’t seem worth lying. “If the circumstances were right, yes.”</p><p>“But what about everyone else they know? I can see wanting to swap your life for someone you love, like a parent would want to do that for a child, but the person that came back would feel really guilty, and they’d still be people mourning someone even if it’s a different set of people. I’d never want someone to do that for me.”</p><p>That hits her hard. She’d been doing this for Gabriel yes, but for Adrien too, even if not quite in the way they’re talking about there. It takes all her years of practice tamping down her emotions dealing with difficult clients at work to evenly say, “That’s an interesting perspective.”</p><p>She mustn’t quite succeed because Adrien asks, “Don’t you agree?”</p><p>She understands his principle but, “I’m not sure two lives are always equal.”</p><p>Honestly while it had helped comfort her she was doing the right thing, it had always been a slight concern whether she was enough to bring back Emilie, who had a husband and son waiting for her while Nathalie had, what, a few friends she barely saw who all had other people much more important to them than her.</p><p>“Nathalie! You’re sounding as bad as my father, everyone’s life is important.”</p><p>“I don’t mean to condone what he was saying,” that’s not a useful route to go here, much as she wished she knew exactly what was said, “but take you, you said you wouldn’t want anyone to sacrifice themselves for you but you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, while someone like me has already lived most of theirs. Some people might just have more to contribute than others. Besides it’s not that different to pushing someone you love out of the way of an out of control car or something.”</p><p>Adrien opens his mouth as if to say something then promptly shuts it.</p><p>When he continues not to responds she asks “Adrien?” in concern.</p><p>“Sorry I just realised something” he says looking proud of himself “but, I mean how do you think you and I would feel if my father had somehow got the miraculouses and brought you back by sacrificing himself?”</p><p>The image is impossible. It’s the last thing she’d ever want, but she doesn’t need to worry because it wouldn’t happen. “Your father wouldn’t do that for me.”</p><p>Adrien seems unconvinced, “You didn’t see him while you were in that coma. This whole crazy plan was because of you.” Then his eyes narrow, “unless you really think he’d only be ready to kill someone else?”</p><p>She bites her lip hoping the pain will help focus her thoughts. She’d the worst comforter ever.  “I’m sorry, I’m really not being any god at reassuring you am I. You’re worried about your father, and I’m trying to pull you into some philosophical discussion on the value of life.”</p><p>“Do you think he’d really have done it?”</p><p>“I” She can’t meet Adrien’s eyes and lie to him. She tries to start again beginning with the truth, “I don’t think he was speaking rationally when he spoke to you. I think he maybe hadn’t realised how sick I was, and of course he still hasn’t got over losing your mother.” Then she starts lying, “I mean the whole idea is imminently ridiculous, getting the Miraculouses when Hawkmoth’s been trying and failing to do that for months? Knowing how to use them?” before returning to what she’d wanted to believe before she’d put the Peacock Miraculous on, “It’s easy to talk about doing something when the chance of it happening is so unlikely.”</p><p>“But he still considered it.” Adrien says mulishly.</p><p>“He did, and you wouldn’t, but you’ve led a very sheltered life, and your father” she sighs thinking of the over-the-top character he’d adopt as Hawkmoth, “your father likes to think of himself as a worse man than he actually is.”</p><p> “That does kind of reassure me.” says Adrien, then out of nowhere he goes, “You know you’re not that old?”</p><p>“I’m sorry?” she manages to restrain herself to that.</p><p>“You were saying that if it was my life at stake it would matter more because I’m young and have my whole life ahead of me, but you’d sacrifice your life, but you’ve still got loads of your life left too.”</p><p>It’s sweet of him to say though it’s not really true. Even if she does seem to be throwing off the effects of the Peacock she doesn’t know how it will affect her for the rest of her life. Even if she’s fine, well, she’s given over most of her youth to the Agrestes, and it’s not exactly like she’s got a high-flying career or varied social life ahead of her now.</p><p>To his credit he must realise the first part of this because he says, “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking about your illness.”</p><p> “Don’t worry about it. I seem to be improving even if the doctors have no idea what’s going on.”</p><p>“Good. I don’t know about…anyone else, but you know my father and I would miss you. I know in your letter you didn’t seem to think we cared about you but we do. We were falling apart without you. So you know don’t go sacrificing yourself.”</p><p>“Oh Adrien.” She says. He’s managed to tell her off just as well as he did his father. Now she feels guilty for assuming he wouldn’t care about her. She reaches for him to pull him into a hug, as an apology, and an attempted reassurance. “Don’t you worry about me.”</p><p>She’s willing to do anything for this family. Not sacrificing herself feels like it should be something very little. Somehow she feels it’s not going to be that simple though.</p><p>He hugs her back, but says “You know, you really should ask my father about the painting.”</p><p>She loosens her hold on him at the reminder. Just what is going on with this painting?</p><p>“Ok, if you think it’s that important I will. Now don’t you have a basketball match to be getting ready for?”</p><p>Once he leaves she sinks back into the sofa. She needs to process everything Adrien’s just said, before she even thinks about going to talk to his father, even if her curiosity is screaming at her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She waits until Adrien’s gone to knock on the door of the Atelier.</p><p>It’s a Saturday so while Gabriel might be working, other people won’t be, so he shouldn’t have anything scheduled</p><p>“Am I interrupting anything?” she asks.</p><p>“Only me trying to get myself caught up on things I’ve let slide.”</p><p>“My cover not keeping you on your toes?”</p><p>“I haven’t exactly made it easy for her.” He admits.</p><p>“So I’ve heard.”</p><p>Neither of them mention the time he’s lost to visiting Nathalie in hospital and helping her through her recovery here.</p><p>“Should you be standing for this long?” he asks.</p><p>She rolls her eyes at the concern but walks over to her desk, and wheels her chair out from behind it before sitting down in it.</p><p>“Happier now?” she asks him.</p><p>“Much.” He replies.</p><p>In truth for all the height disadvantage sitting gives her on Gabriel being back in her own work seat does give her a weird kind of confidence. She knows where she is here.</p><p>She cuts to the chase. “Adrien seems to think I should ask you about the replacement you’re getting for the portrait in the hall.”</p><p>“Ah.” He blanches.</p><p>She shuts her eyes and counts to ten in anticipation. “How much am I going to dislike whatever it is?”</p><p>She’s still not quite sure what he can have done that both Adrien and he seem to think will offend her. She can’t see what new family portrait Adrien would only seem to think was a problem for her and not himself, and If it’s not a family portrait then her taste in art isn’t particular enough that anything Gabriel would decide would fit the aesthetic of the room is likely to offend her.</p><p>“I actually hoped you’d like the portrait itself.” He says.</p><p>So it is a portrait, but that only raises more questions. “What am I not liking about it then?”</p><p>“I suppose it could be found” he pauses, “presumptuous?”</p><p>A suspicion crosses her mind but she rejects it. “Gabriel. What exactly have you done?”</p><p>He waves her over. “It’s not finished yet, but I’ve a recent update photo from the artist.”</p><p>She makes her way over to his standing screen.</p><p>This is no family portrait of the Agrestes.</p><p>It’s her.</p><p>Not her as she’s ever been dressed. It’s akin to Emilie's portrait with a more realistic face and hands then the start of a mosaic dress. Though it seems somewhat more grounded. Blue rather than gold, though the completed part of the dress below her face has plenty of glistening metallic elements. She's not sure if it’s inspired by a particular Klimt but it’s certainly adjacent to that.</p><p>She does almost like it on the computer screen, the women in the painting has her face but it's idealised, the painting as a whole feels more like one of a goddess or a historical figure where she's just been used as a model rather than actually being of her.</p><p>But, “I don’t understand.”</p><p>“When I thought we’d lost you I realised we didn’t have any pictures of you on display.”</p><p>“Because I’m just your assistant.” She snaps, but she regrets it as she looks past him to Emilie’s portrait and the multitude of photos of Adrien on the wall. Given everything else he's done recently maybe she should have been surprised there was no photo of her anywhere. Maybe she should have been suspicious.</p><p>He scowls. “You know you’re more than that, you’ve been more than that for years.”</p><p>“I know. I’m being unfair, but <em>this? </em>What was wrong with just a framing a normal photo?”</p><p> “Believe it or not we don’t actually have any good photos of you.” He says shrugging.</p><p>She raises an eyebrow, “I know I’m not particularly photogenic, but there must’ve been one where I looked halfway alright.”</p><p> She doesn’t think she’s unattractive, for all her non-existent love life might claim differently, but there’s nothing like working in fashion to hammer across your failures as a photo subject.</p><p>“<em>That</em>, wasn’t the issue. You’re a hard women to find photos of Mlle. Sancoeur.”</p><p>She frowns. There must have been some over the years, but then perhaps not. Gabriel’s too old to be dragging her into behind the scenes selfies, and anything official for the company would either omit her or have her off to the side. <em>Adrien </em>takes casual photos of them but he seems to have a habit of doing it on the sly, which she should really talk about with him at some point, and they’re not really the type of thing you'd frame.</p><p>“You might be right.” She concedes. “but this is a little excessive don’t you think?”</p><p>“I don’t think so.”</p><p>Perhaps Gabriel Agreste, Fashion Designer and Supervillain, <em>wouldn’t </em>think so, “Most people would.”</p><p>“We’re not most people.”</p><p>She can’t deny that.</p><p>He continues, “and after what you'd done for me, what you were <em>going </em>to do me, I think it seems like very little actually.”</p><p>A small part of her takes vindictive pleasure in the idea of being memorialised after their success, her painted image gazing down on the Agrestes reminding them who sacrificed herself for them, the way Emilie now reminds them what they’re supposed to be focusing on.</p><p>But of course this wasn’t meant to be for after the Wish. This was supposed to be for if she’d died pointlessly in hospital, and Gabriel felt bad for her. God, she hopes this wasn’t commissioned after the letters, like some attempt to make up for not even noticing, never mind reciprocating her feelings. It’s not as if she expected them to be reciprocated. She’d finally fallen for him when seeing how far he’d go in his commitment to Emilie, that’s not the start of any love story that ends in reciprocation.</p><p>Then she remembers where this was meant to go and she has to put her hand on the side of the screen to steady herself.</p><p>This obviously panics Gabriel who puts an arm round her waist to support her and says “come on, let's get you sat down again.”</p><p>She'd fight it but it actually sounds like a good idea.</p><p>“Are you better now?” he asks once she's sat down, kneeling by her chair.</p><p>“You were going to put <em>that </em>in the hall?”</p><p>“That was the plan yes.”</p><p>“Where everyone could see it?”</p><p>“Well, anyone in hall.” He admits, standing up and perching on her desk.</p><p>Meaning anyone who came in the door. She could kill him.</p><p>“Just, how big was it going to be?”</p><p>His eyes glance over to Emilie’s portrait before he can lie to her.</p><p>She buries her head in her hands in embarrassment.</p><p>“Did you even think what that would look like?”</p><p>“I don’t see the problem.”</p><p>“No one just puts up humongous portraits of their” she grasps desperately for the right word, “friend, in the entrance of their house.”</p><p>He blinks as if that’s only just occurred to him. “I do.” He says. “I believe I’ve quite the reputation for eccentricity. Given the….circumstances, I don’t think anyone would find it out of character.”</p><p>Sometimes she really does wonder if he’s that obtuse on purpose. He can’t be, he’s not cruel whatever Paris might think of Hawkmoth. He honestly just doesn’t see what a mockery this would be of her.</p><p>“Do you not understand what it would look like?”</p><p>“What would it look like?”</p><p>She could actually strangle him. “You cannot be that dense. What do you think anyone that came into this house would think our relationship was seeing <em>that</em>? It makes me glad I didn’t die, I can’t believe you were going to make that my legacy.”</p><p>“I’d hope you had other reasons to be glad you’ve survived.”</p><p>She glares at him in response.</p><p>He sighs, “Would it be that bad if people did think we were together?”</p><p>“What?” She doesn’t understand why he’s asking that. Not when he’s been snapping at anyone who dares suggest Emilie is dead. “Why would you ask me that?”</p><p>“Well, your letters, I thought maybe.”</p><p>“You thought I’d want people to think we were together, when we’re not and never will be, why would you think?” She trails off, overtaken by her anger “Are you mocking me?”</p><p>“No.” He shakes his head, “I’m saying this all wrong, it’s just I know I can be blind about this sort of thing, but reading the letters. I thought, maybe, you would like a relationship. With me.”</p><p>“What.” She repeats like an idiot. She doesn’t understand. It doesn’t make sense. She’s not even sure what he’s asking. Is he just trying to clarify her feelings or is he actually asking her out?</p><p>Neither explanation makes sense. The first is so deeply unnecessary and the second just impossible.</p><p>He hesitates, looking unusually unsure, “Did I read them wrong? I’m sorry I don’t mean to pressure you. Did you mean everything platonically?”</p><p>“Could we not just forget you read them?”</p><p>“You wrote them for me to read.”</p><p>“After I was dead. As an explanation I guess.” She throws her hands up in exasperation.  “I don’t know. It was stupid.”</p><p>He gets off the desk and he kneels back down to be more on her level, “I’m glad I got to read them while you’ve still here. While I can still change things.”</p><p>She looks down to avoid meeting his eyes. “I’m glad they suited one of us then.”</p><p>He leans forward, his face frighteningly close to hers, and then places his fingers under her chin to tip her head up so she can’t keep hiding from him. “Nathalie, do you love me?”</p><p>“I don’t see how that’s relevant.”</p><p>“I don’t see how it’s not.                  </p><p>“It’s not relevant because you don’t love me.”</p><p>“The thing is, I’m not sure that I don’t.”</p><p>Staring into his eyes like that it’s so tempting to believe him and give in but, “Gabriel, you’ve been terrorising Paris to get your wife back. That’s not exactly the actions of a man in love with another women.”</p><p>“You might have noticed that I’m not doing that right now.”</p><p>“Because of Adrien.” A thought occurs to her “Oh god.” Gabriel’s trying to stop, and to stop he needs to not think about Emilie.  He also needs reasons to deter him from returning to being Hawkmoth, and Nathalie can be <em>both. </em></p><p>She’s a walking accusation of guilt, and a reminder of what being Hawkmoth does to the rest of the people in his life. As to the former, well, she’s here in his house, one of the one of the few people whose presence doesn’t grate on him, seemingly interested because he read her own stupid letters, has given up on calling him anything but his name, and she’s been with cuddling with him. On her bed even. She couldn’t have been volunteering to be his rebound better if she’d tried.</p><p>He’s not interested in <em>Nathalie</em>. He’s interested in a <em>distraction</em>, and she’s make herself the perfect candidate.</p><p>He’s still looking at her waiting for her to go expand. “Nathalie?”</p><p>“I can’t be what you use to convince yourself to do this Gabriel. I can’t make you give Emilie up, I can’t make you a better father to Adrien, though god knows I’ve tried. You have to do this yourself.”</p><p>“I am. I am trying, that’s not what this is about.”</p><p>“Isn’t it? You couldn’t even tell me whether you’d permanently given up. You gave away the Peacock, but you’ve still got the Butterfly. You’ve wavered like this before, if we start something, what I am supposed to do when you give in again?”</p><p>His hand is still on her shoulder where he let it fall once she stopped trying to hide her face. She lifts it up and he reluctantly takes it back.</p><p>“We need to stop all of this. All this touching and boundary blurring. I need to move back out.” Noticing the rising panic on his face she adds, “I’ll still come back to my job if you want, I’m not going to abandon you and Adrien, but we should just pretend this conversation never happened, and you should contact the artist and cancel that painting.”</p><p>“You can’t leave.” He says.</p><p>“I should.” She’s just told him why she has to.</p><p>“I could never forgive myself if something happened to you, and I could have prevented it and you weren’t here because of me.”</p><p>“You know I’m not that bad now.”</p><p>He stands up and looks down at her in the chair, silently reminding her that she just got light-headed two minutes ago.</p><p>“I had a shock just then.”</p><p>“And who’s going to drive you to your hospital appointments if you’re not here?”</p><p>“Are you threatening me with taking away my transport if I don’t stay?”</p><p>“I’m not threatening you. Just please. Stay.” He says with the desperation clear on his face. “Until the doctors agree you’re back to normal at least.”</p><p>There’s danger here, but she doesn’t like the idea of leaving Adrien by himself in the house, and well, there’s only so much she’s ever been able to deny Gabriel Agreste.</p><p>“Alright. I’ll stay for now. But this isn’t permanent. Once everyone agrees I’m fine, I’m leaving."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Dinner is a nightmare. When she enters the room and sees her place set next to Gabriel’s like it’s been every other night it almost makes her turn around right there and pack her bags and leave this house.</p><p>The entirety of her interactions with Gabriel rest on the foundation that he’s not interested at all and he doesn’t know how she feels. The latter has been cracked for a while but he’d been, or at least she’d <em>thought </em>he’d been quietly ignoring it. Now she doesn’t know what he was planning. She’s going to be overthinking every single thing he does. She doesn’t know how to deal with this.</p><p>She especially doesn’t know how to deal with this in front of Adrien.</p><p>She tries to act normal when he and Gabriel arrive but she does such a terrible job of it that Adrien can obviously see somethings up.</p><p>It’s difficult. Before she’d been glad when her place had been set by Gabriel’s and Adrien’s brought up opposite to match, but now she can’t ignore Gabriel’s physical proximity. Her leg can feel the warmth radiating from his under the table. She finds herself trying to take up as little space as possible to avoid it, and trying to make sure her hands never cross his reaching for anything on the table.</p><p>If her own actions weren’t enough to tip Adrien off that something’s happened then Gabriel’s would have to confirm it.</p><p>He’s…she’s not sure what he’s doing actually.</p><p>Well, technically what he’s doing is putting in a great effort to engage Adrien in conversation. In someone else she might say it was nervousness but she’s seen Gabriel nervous before and this isn’t it. It could perhaps be his own attempt to try to keep Adrien’s attention off her, or perhaps he’d trying to spare her conversation in the way he would want in her place.</p><p> If it’s the latter it’s sweet, but certainly it’s completely ineffectual for the former; Adrien’s answering wide-eyed and keeps looking her way with questions in his eyes.</p><p>Then Gabriel asks something neither of them would ever expect. “So do the other parents usually go along to your games?”</p><p>“Yeah some. It varies as not all the courts are set up great for spectators, and people have stuff on, but a few of the parents always come.”</p><p>“I see. Perhaps Nathalie and I will have to come along to the next one then. We’re certainly due to host on of these after-game dinners I think.”</p><p>She honestly almost drops her fork. Adrien doesn’t look like he’s doing much better.</p><p>
  <em>What the hell is Gabriel doing?</em>
</p><p>He looks over at her and says, “I told you I was doing things with Adrien didn’t I?” as if that explains anything at all.</p><p>If this is some sort of show he’s putting on to show his commitment to the promise he made Adrien then he’s overdoing it. He’s never going to be able to sustain this amount of energy. Or manage the amount of non-work related social interaction he’s just tried to sign up for. She’ll have to go to this game with him, or he’ll probably end up insulting half the parents.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Thankfully that dinner is the worst of it. He doesn’t bring their conversation up again, and <em>she’s </em>certainly not going to.</p><p>Not that Gabriel goes back to normal exactly but his unusual behaviour continues to be focused on Adrien, which can only be a good thing, even if she worries that he won’t be able to keep this run of energy up, and will only end up disappointing his son again.</p><p>If she uses her fatigue as an excuse to stay out of his way more, well, it’s not really an excuse when you actually are exhausted.</p><p>Slowly as the days go on she starts to relax. Maybe this doesn’t have to change anything. Maybe everything will be fine.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adrien’s in at his piano lesson, and Gabriel is theoretically working so this seems as good a time as any to make her great attempt for the caffeine Gabriel keeps trying to deny her. She’s looked up the drug interactions for the (probably pointless) medications she’s on online herself and the chance of adverse reactions is far too low in her opinion to justify blocking her off from coffee.</p><p>She reaches the coffee machine without any accidental interactions with anyone else in the house and decides to ease herself in with a latte rather than her usual espresso.</p><p>Despite being unused to the milky taste it still tastes like triumph.</p><p>She heads out meaning to hear take it upstairs when she hears the Atelier phone ringing. She’s surprised she notices it over the piano but she supposes her ears been trained to it over the years.</p><p>It keeps ringing. Frowning she pushes the door open. No Gabriel.</p><p>She heads over to her desk and answers.</p><p>Yes, this is Gabriel Agreste’s office, No, he isn’t available at the moment, No, I don’t know why you were put through then, No, I can’t say when he’ll be back. Yes, she can take a message.</p><p>There she goes enabling Gabriel again.</p><p>Technically doing so is her job, for all she’s supposed to be on sick leave at the moment, but she was only hired to be the work minion, not for magical quests to resurrect the dead.  She wishes she could have kept everything simple like it was before, without everything that’s happened and the feelings they’ve brought with it.</p><p>She shakes her head, how is she supposed to come back to this desk, and work here normally, and remember Gabriel saying “I’m not sure that I don’t.”</p><p>She really really should quit.</p><p>She knows she won’t.</p><p>She’s not even supposed to be working, and here she is covering for Gabriel, who she assumes is doing god knows what in the lair or the basement, and has failed to tell his new assistant he won’t be here.</p><p>For the company’s sake, for Adrien’s sake, he needs someone who can actually at least get him to meetings, and cover for his absences, and she strongly doubts he’ll find someone else to do that while turning a blind eye to his other activities. Certainly not the women he’s got working for him at the moment who he’s terrified out of the office. Whoever heard of an executive assistant working mostly remotely?</p><p>Unfortunately she meets Adrien on her way out of the Atelier, and she’s sure Gabriel’s made it clear to him too that she’s not supposed to be working.</p><p>She blushes.  “I heard the phone.”                              </p><p>“Shouldn’t Father be answering that?” he asks.</p><p>“He’s done one of his disappearing acts again.” She explains, not having to fake her exasperation, “Without notifying his new assistant apparently so she’s still putting calls through.”</p><p>“Disappearing acts?” He asks seeming confused. They must have done a better job of covering up their other activities than she’d thought, if Adrien had never noticed his father’s absences from the Atelier.</p><p>She tries to brush it off. “Oh, you know how he is. Constantly deciding he needs to sit in the garden, or in another room in the house to get new inspiration.” </p><p>“I guess.”</p><p>“It’s ridiculous, expecting his assistant to work remotely. Is this how it’s been all this time?”</p><p>“Mostly.”  He admits.</p><p> “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. It would suit him.” It’s not as if he can keep sneaking off the lair if someone’s there in the Atelier, aware of where he is all the time. It’s a good thing she didn’t put any trust in his claim to be stopping more permanently.</p><p>She mustn’t have kept her vitriol out of her voice because Adrien tries to defend him, “Well you can’t blame him can you?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p> “Isn’t it obvious?”</p><p>No. No it’s not if Adrien doesn’t know what his father’s up to, and exactly why he can’t have someone he doesn’t trust in the Atelier. “Not really, I’m sorry if I missing something but you’re going to have to explain?”</p><p>“It’s all because he misses you. He hates seeing someone trying to take your place.”</p><p>“What?” comes out of her mouth before she can stop it. Gabriel cares for her, she can’t deny that anymore, even if he’s confused about his feelings are, but hiding his activities as Hawkmoth seems such an obvious explanation for his behaviour she hadn’t looked for anything else.  She attempts to recover her composure. “Well, I am very good at my job I suppose, and he is a perfectionist.”</p><p>“Nathalie!” He stresses every syllable of her name is peak teenage fashion clearly unimpressed with her deflection.</p><p>She sighs. “I know what you’re trying to say Adrien. I suppose this isn’t the worst possible outcome of what happened but I do need to talk to him. This can’t go on. If only to make my life easier when I’m back from sick leave.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>She’s doing some of her physio exercises in room when Gabriel knocks on the door.</p><p>He stares at her for a moment when she opens it but then goes, “Do you have something to tell me?”</p><p>She does in fact. She needs to tell him he needs to sort out his work life and not let Hawkmoth infringe in it, but obviously that can’t be what he’s asking about. She's no idea what he’s trying to get her to admit. He knows she goes downstairs now. Her text with the phone message betraying her presence in the Atelier shouldn’t have prompted this.</p><p>He lifts up the coffee mug.</p><p>Damnit. She must have left it in there.</p><p>She breathes out of her nose. “I’ve looked it up. It's fine, you’re just being paranoid.”</p><p>“Can you blame me?”</p><p>The annoying thing is that she can’t really. “I know it must feel like you’re watching what happened to Emilie again, but I’m not her Gabriel. You’ve taken the Peacock out of my reach. I can’t just continue living in fear all the time.”</p><p>“I don’t want you to either, but I just worry that you’re not taking care of yourself.”</p><p>“That’s a little hypocritical coming from you. When the last time you’ve had a good night’s sleep?” she asks well aware that Gabriel’s sleeping patterns had tended to the erratic even before he’d started wearing the Miraculous.</p><p>“Actually, I’ve been sleeping better than I have in a long time recently.”</p><p>Looking at his face she couldn’t see any trace of a lie in it and could only wonder at the implications. “Have you stopped wearing the Miraculous at night then?”</p><p>“I had.”</p><p>“Had?”</p><p>“It seemed counterproductive.”</p><p>Her heart sinks “What changed?”</p><p>“You came home.”</p><p>“Why would that make you put it back on?” She asks even as the confirmation of the falsity of his claims hits her like a punch to the solar plexus.</p><p>He looks away from her in lieu of answering.</p><p>“Gabriel, why?” She repeats suddenly desperate for an answer.</p><p>He leant back against the wall. “I’m sorry. I wanted to be sure you were alright.”</p><p>She tries to process this statement but her face must betray something because Gabriel continues, “I know it’s not right to read your emotions. I’ve always tried to avoid it, but if something happened to you now, in my house, because of what you did for me. I’d never be able to forgive myself.”</p><p>“You were using the miraculous like a baby monitor for me?” A more disturbing thought enters her head. She’s can only pray to whatever higher powers out there that Gabriel hasn’t sensed any of her <em>dreams</em>.</p><p>“I don’t know what you want me to say.”</p><p>“The truth would be a start.” She’d never have said anything like it before, but at this stage she figures she’s as far from working for him as she can be while still technically on the payroll.</p><p>“Then, yes I suppose.” He admits.</p><p>“Then stop. They wouldn’t have released me from the hospital if they thought I was going to die in my sleep. All you’re doing now is invading my privacy.”</p><p>His eyes narrow. “You have to understand why I’m dubious of your own claims of recovery.”</p><p>“No, no I don’t actually.”</p><p>“You haven’t exactly been acting like someone who values her own life.”</p><p>That’s not fair at all. Especially when he knows full well she’s been doing everything the doctors ask of her. And if he’s talking about everything <em>before </em>then he knows she was doing it for him.</p><p>“I can’t believe you’d say that. You know when I thought I was dying to bring Emilie back I at least thought you’d be grateful.”</p><p>He presses his fingers to his temples. “This isn’t what I came in here to do. I didn’t want to argue. I’m” He gestures in confusion, “I don’t know, flattered at what you’d do for me, but I can’t be grateful because I wouldn’t want that. You know that.”</p><p>She collapses down onto her bed. “I do <em>now.</em> I don’t know where that leaves us.”</p><p>“What can I do to fix things?”</p><p>“Stop wearing that at night. You’ve admitted you knew it wasn’t right.”</p><p>“I can do that.”</p><p>“And apologise to your new assistant, and get her working back in the house.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Are you still trying to live up to that promise to Adrien?”</p><p>“I” he starts, and she can see the indecision playing out over his face, but he manages to say, “yes”</p><p>“Then scaring someone off from doing their job properly so you can go be Hawkmoth isn’t exactly conducive to that is it?”</p><p>“That’s not why”</p><p>She cuts him off, “So you weren’t off in the lair when your phone rang today?”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I was in the basement. Talking to Emilie. I know she can’t hear me, but, it doesn’t seem right not to tell her things, and I can’t be going down there when Adrien’s around. Not now.”</p><p>Her heart softens. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“No, you’re right. You have a point. I <em>have </em>been neglecting the brand. If I’m not going to take the LVMH offer then I need to commit to it.”</p><p>“We could probably get a higher offer from China if that’s your main concern.”</p><p>“No. Tempting as it is I’m not quite ready for retirement yet. I just need to act more like it. Would getting her back here be a start?”</p><p>“I think so.”</p><p>“Then I’ll do it.” He walks over and squeezes her shoulder “I really am lost without you, you know.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adrien keeps giving her odd looks when he thinks she won’t notice. She’s not sure what he’s looking for.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>There is a a possibility she's miscalculated. She'd taken pleasure in Gabriel following her request and moving his new assistant into the house but she hadn’t realised what it was going to be like.</p><p>This girl (and she <em>is </em>a girl, young and nervous, and she wants to shout at whoever in HR sent her to Gabriel instead of someone older and experienced and less content to deal with his nonsense) isn’t anything on her.</p><p>That doesn’t surprise her. She’s had a long time to work around Gabriel and his foibles, and she’d never have let herself get banished from the house.</p><p>No, what she hadn’t realised is how much it would sting to see someone else doing her job. Much as it pains her to admit, Adrien may have in fact have had a point about his father struggling with someone else being at her desk. She certainly does, and she'd have thought she was the more flexible of two of them. Someone else sitting there is just wrong.</p><p>She hadn't realised it would be a problem. She’d had cover before and it had never bothered her. Much as payroll despaired of her overtime even she hadn’t been able to take no time off, but the thing was, she’d never been there to actually see it before. That <em>is </em>the idea of having time off work after all.</p><p>Still she can’t deny there are advantages beyond the obvious to having her here. The computer doesn’t time out immediately so it’s rather easy to sit down at her computer and re-grant herself access privileges. Not that she’s necessarily planning to work per se not when she’s probably not legally allowed to, but she feels happier when she knows where Adrien and Gabriel are meant to be all the time.</p><p>Still it’s difficult not to try to help her out. Seeing mistakes and not stopping them is impossible. She feels slightly bad about it when the poor girl offers her read-only access to Adrien’s schedule on a familial basis. She’s probably not entitled to that, but she accepts gracefully not admitting she’s already accessed it.</p><p>If she was a better person she’d stop going into the Atelier so she can’t pick up on things to be annoyed by, but she desperately needs some form of entertainment, sad as it is to treat work that way. It's probably not healthy either to keep chasing the relief she gets at going in there and discovering she <em>can </em>think of things other than their conversation in there.</p><p>As to how healthy the comfort she derives from being able to be around Gabriel, but in their old normal way with someone else there to prevent anything getting too emotional, is she’s not quite sure. </p><p>As for him, well he seems mostly amused by the situation. He does reprimand her but by jokingly pointing out she needs to be careful not to create a legal liability for him, rather than pressing on about her health.  His concern about her standing for too long has had him order a chair for her to use when she goes in, but she can't really complain about that when she does get tired so quickly these days.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It’s on one of the days when she’s trying to be good and not work that she passes the old portrait of the Agrestes which used to hang above the stairs before Gabriel replaced it with that awful one of him and Adrien.</p><p>She considers, and checks her phone, before making her way to the Atelier. If she’s right Gabriel shouldn’t be in there right now.</p><p>She pushes open the door, only for his temporary assistant to go, “Oh, M.Agreste isn’t here. Did you need him?”</p><p>Nathalie waves it off. “That’s fine. I wasn’t looking for him. I was actually hoping you could organise some of the paintings being moved around. Obviously ordinarily I’d do it myself but.” She gestures somewhere between a shrug and throwing her hands out to express her ‘not supposed to be working status.’</p><p>“Oh of course.” The other women takes her meaning immediately. Nathalie waits for her to query her authority or ask why M.Agreste didn’t tell her this himself but all she says is, “Which ones? And Where?”</p><p>Nathalie carefully explains which one she wants moved above the stairs, and what should go in its place. Gabriel can always fiddle with the latter later. She’s not budging on the former unless he commissions a nicer new one of him and Adrien.</p><p>“I’ll get that done for you Madame.”</p><p>Nathalie blinks before correcting her, “Mademoiselle.”</p><p>The poor girl’s blush is visible even on her brown skin, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why.”</p><p>Nathalie cuts her off, “It’s fine. It happens.”</p><p>She ruefully remembers her conversation with Adrien, clearly she does look old. Admittedly she would expect it from a stranger these days but that’s not really the same thing.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Gabriel starts when he sees the portrait but he doesn’t say anything to her about it.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>She’s almost half-asleep on the sofa after having gone to one of Adrien’s fencing matches when Gabriel says “I want to lay Emilie to rest.”</p><p>“Sorry?” She says startled awake in shock at hearing words she’d never expected whatever efforts he’d been putting into trying not to use the Miraculous.</p><p>“If I’m, if I’m not working to bring her back then it’s not right to leave her in the repository. She deserves a proper send off. A monument. One Adrien can visit. Did you know he talks to her statue in the garden?”</p><p>“I knew he spent time there” she carefully admits.</p><p>“I want to give her a proper funeral. She deserves that at least.”</p><p>“Yes, she’d want that.” She agrees carefully.  She doesn’t want to prejudice his thoughts on the situation, but she thinks that if Emilie understood that Gabriel was stopping for Adrien then she would want her death marked for the world to see, instead of being an unknown disappearance.</p><p>“I’m not sure how yet, it has to be done respectfully.”</p><p>“We can work it out together.” Of all things she’s done for him, this is one she won’t regret.  “You don’t have to rush this.”</p><p>There’s never been a break this long between Akumas. She’s not going to threaten that by forcing him to move on before they’re ready.</p><p>Besides this <em>will </em>have to be handled carefully. They can hardly just announce Emilie appeared back at the house and then died immediately. People will suspect Gabriel however they stage Emilie’s discovery, and with what they have to hide they’ll need to make it as unconnected as possible.        </p><p>It’s going to look inexplicable whatever they do. Emilie will have appeared to have died whenever they remove her from the casket rather than when she actually effectively did.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“It has to be respectful.” He says yet again. “Something Emilie would like. I can’t just dump her somewhere.”</p><p>“And somewhere she’ll be found quickly.” Emilie deserves that. She restrains a sigh. “Perhaps a hotel room? If she doesn’t leave after her paid time they’d investigate pretty quickly.”</p><p>“There’s merit in that. Are you suggesting we book in her name or another?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Did you ever cancel her credit cards?”</p><p>“No. No there never seemed any point.”</p><p>Of course he didn’t. Not when this was supposed to be temporary. At least it wouldn’t have looked <em>too </em>odd to the police-wanting to be able to trace any usage of them to find her would be an understandable reason.</p><p>She replies, “Well that’s an option I guess then.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>How to stage it without being any evidence of being involved is a problem. Money does a lot but neither of them like the idea of involving other people.</p><p>She has to offer the obvious solution. “Have you considered using the Miraculous?”</p><p>“What were you thinking?”</p><p>“There’s interesting possibilities there, Chameleon’s or Volpina’s activities would be helpful. Or even Lady Wifi’s teleportation. Obviously I’m not suggesting we use any of them, but you could akumatise  me into something other than Catalyst couldn’t you?”</p><p>In truth she’s uncomfortable with the idea of impersonating Emilie much as it would be the easiest solution.</p><p>“Perhaps not Chameleon’s powers,” Gabriel thankfully doesn’t seem to like the idea either, “And, I’m concerned about the idea of you being involved with any Miraculous magic, But you’re right I should have considered this earlier.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” She asks.</p><p>“I can’t hold back now. The police have found her.” He sighs and presses send on the text to Adrien.</p><p>“You are doing the right thing. Remember that.” She gives his hand a comforting squeeze before standing up. She considers leaving the room but it might look worse if she passes Adrien on the way out, so she decides to take the further away chair instead. She doesn’t want Adrien to feel like their ganging up against him, and she’s still not even sure she should be here.</p><p>It doesn’t take Adrien long to make an appearance, “What’s this about?”</p><p>Gabriel looks like he’s already struggling to speak.</p><p>She shouldn’t be for this. She asks, “Should I go sir? I can give you and Adrien your privacy?”</p><p>Gabriel shakes his head, “I’d prefer if you stayed. “</p><p> “Ok” she agrees.</p><p>When Gabriel continues to not get on with it this time it’s Adrien who talks.  “Has something happened?”</p><p>Finally Gabriel manages to start on the story they’ve concocted about Emilie. Sticking to the only to the facts that he ought to be aware of.</p><p>Poor Adrien looks too shocked to question anything about his father’s behaviour. He suddenly sits down, partway through trying to process the information.</p><p>It must worry Gabriel too who hesitates in his explanation, knowing he’s coming to the most difficult part. She nods at him to carry on. They can’t stop now. Better to give Adrien what they can.</p><p>She tries to avoid any reaction when Gabriel has to give the lie about her death being recent. It’s a terrible thing to do to Adrien but it’s what forensics will find.</p><p>The poor boy looks about to bolt. Then he even says so “I need, I need to get out of this house. I can’t deal with this with reminders of her everywhere.”</p><p>Gabriel goes to cut him off as usual but the shock of what he’s been told seems to have broken through any fear he has of his father. </p><p>She watches concerned, neither of them had planned for this outcome, and she kicks herself for not considering that Adrien wouldn’t want to stay here, and now it’s too late to say anything as Gabriel just makes things worse and Adrien starts to yell.</p><p>Gabriel isn’t yet but it looks like it’s going to be soon.</p><p>Perhaps Adrien can tell because he certainly looks like he’s about to run.</p><p>Finally Adrien shouts, “You always say that. Protect me from what? All the worst things in my life are in this house.”</p><p>Even as she winces at how right he might be, how right he’d think they are if he knew what they were, Gabriel stands up in disgust.</p><p>She’s stood up herself ready to get between them until they calm down, when she notices, “Gabriel, he’s shaking.”</p><p>He stills at her words and she runs over to Adrien, sitting down by him and reaching out to him, “Are you going to faint? How are you feeling?”</p><p>“I’m shaky but I don’t think I’m going to faint.” He manages to get out, “I kind of feel like I’ve just run a marathon.”</p><p>She prods for more information, “Like exhaustion, or?”</p><p>“My hearts beating too fast. Am I sick too?”</p><p>Relief hits her as she makes sense of his symptoms. “Oh, no Adrien no, I think you’re just having a panic attack.”</p><p>Gabriel finally moves and takes Adrien’s other side, hesitantly putting an arm around his son. She watches in concern by Adrien doesn’t seem crowded by it, leaning back against him</p><p>The two of them, talk at once</p><p>“What do we do?” comes from Gabriel, and ““How do I stop?” from Adrien.</p><p>For Adrien’s sake she desperately tries to fake calmness and she dredges up the knowledge from a mix of first aid courses, and the internet.  “Just breathe Adrien. Just concentrate on breathing. You’re going to be ok. We’ll find a way for you to get what you need.”</p><p>“We will, I’m sorry, I should have been careful. I never wanted to hurt you.” Gabriel says.</p><p>He seems to take their advice and she can see him breathing deeply in and out.</p><p>She thinks you’re supposed to reassure people and she tries her best to keep verbally comforting him, and telling it that’s it’s alright, and he’s going to be ok, and he’s going to be safe.</p><p>Eventually his breathing seems to return to normal and his eyes focus back on the room. .</p><p>“Are you alright now?” She asks.</p><p>“I think so.” He replies.</p><p>Gabriel speaks, “I’m sorry Adrien. I should have considered your reaction would be different to mine. I wanted to protect you from the paparazzi. If the police make a public announcement they’ll be swarming you, but if you need to get out of the house we’ll find a way to make it work.”</p><p>“Oh. Maybe that’s not such a good idea then.” Adrien says disappointment clear in his voice.</p><p>She meets Gabriel’s eyes beseeching him. Letting Adrien out by himself isn’t a good idea but surely there’s something they can do.</p><p>She can see the acceptance in his eyes, when he gets past his reluctance and says, “Do you want to invite a friend over?”</p><p> “Yeah.” Adrien nods. “Yeah I’m going to go call Nino. Let him in the gate please. I’ll be in my room”</p><p>Gabriel starts up as if to follow Adrien, but she can tell it’s the last thing he needs, so she catches him by the edge of his coat. He looks down at her, and with years of experience reads her expression and sits down next to her.  He collapses into the chair and her commitments to keeping her distance desert her, and she finds herself unconsciously leaning towards him.  </p><p>“Have we done wrong thing?” he asks.</p><p>She turns her head to reply, and finds him already looking at her, their faces inches away from it other. “We should have anticipated his reaction better, but no I don’t think you made the wrong decision.”</p><p>“He was so certain before that she was gone, I thought he might take it better.”</p><p>“He’s still in shock at the moment, we can’t tell how he’s taken it.”</p><p>She refrains from saying that the claim of Emilie being alive up to recently has probably made things worse for Adrien than the news of her being dead, but Gabriel already knows that from how he sighs and looks away from her.</p><p>She’s ready for his walls to come up, and for him to try to push her away but instead he lets his head fall down against her shoulder and she copies his example, letting her head lie against on his.</p><p>“Knowing she’s dead has to be better for him in the long term than the old uncertainty.” She says trying to convince herself as much as him. She has to believe it, or she’ll hate herself.</p><p>“How did you know what was happening to him?”</p><p>“Oh, I used to volunteer for first aid courses back when we still worked in the office, and I’ve been doing a lot of googling various symptoms since, you know.” She doesn’t have to bring up the Peacock. He knows what’s happening.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Even as she loses herself in helping organise the funeral she can’t stop worrying that they’ve missed something. That someone’s going to work out they staged Emilie’s reappearance. That someone blame them for their death. Only one of those things are true. It doesn’t feel like it though.</p><p>It feels like a weights been lifted from her when the coroner finds no evidence of foul play in her death, even as her disappearance remains a mystery to the rest of the world.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adrien seems withdrawn. She doesn’t know how to fix it. She’d want space, but he isn’t her and he isn’t his father.</p><p>He talks to his father about it at least but his reassurances that she wouldn’t have chosen to leave them don’t seem to help.</p><p>She tries to let him know she’s there for him if he wants but she’s not sure if she believes that either.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Unfortunately the weather forecasters were correct in their predictions for the funeral. While she’d planned her outfit in advance she still regrets it. She can imagine Emilie tutting at the blocky heels and black trench-coat she’s been forced to wear during the outdoor portions of the day. At least she might appreciate Nathalie’s made one of her rare forays into a dress.</p><p>Amélie looks the image of her sister as ever. She’s wearing exactly what Emilie would have chosen to the occasion had things been swapped. Though imaging Emilie in black is difficult. She’d never been sure if the sisters had deliberately split the colour palette between them to differentiate themselves or if it was just a matter of taste.</p><p>Adrien seems to be handling things well. She’d given his hand a reassuring squeeze before he went up to read, but he doesn’t seem to need it. He reads clearly and steadily and she couldn’t be more proud of him.</p><p>Gabriel is at his stiffest the entire way through but that’s only be expected. All she can do is shield him the best her can.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Having left the family to mourn alone at the grave, she’s finds herself explaining multiple times that Gabriel, Amelie and the boys will be here soon. At least she can’t fault André Bourgeois’s ability to host anything, and it was nice of him to offer, even if it might have mostly been to ensure Gabriel’s donations to his next political campaign.</p><p>“Ah, look there’s Nathalie. She’ll know where the great man is.” She hears a familiar voice, and turns around to see one of Gabriel’s junior designers along with a man she vaguely recognises from acting as a tablet stand at financial meetings.</p><p>“Hello Marc.” She says in greeting, and in example of her increasingly fraying professionalism. “And, I’m sorry I’ve forgotten your name, I blame the brain damage.”</p><p>Both men suddenly look awkward. “Ah it’s Julien, from Finance. We were sorry to hear about what happened to you, but you look well now.”</p><p>She purses her lips, but tries to take the compliment. She’s used to people being two-faced with those in this industry, but perhaps it’s unfair of her when the comments on her health and not her fashion sense. Especially when the giver also doesn’t work in the fashion-related part of the company, though given the arm Marc’s slung around him he looks comfy enough with it.</p><p>“Did you need something?” She asks.</p><p>“M.Agrestes’s location, and whether he’ll take it more amiss if we express condolences in person or not.” Says Marc, showing at least part of the reason he’s managed to continue working under Gabriel.    </p><p>“The family’s still at the grave. Although I’m expecting them any moment now.” She admits. “If you cross his path, then I’d give them, but otherwise in writing’s probably safer.”</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>She expects that to end the conversation but for some reason Julien decides to extend it, “So are you back to work then?”</p><p>She stiffens. “No.”</p><p>“Oh. Only you seemed sort of in charge here.” He attempts to justify.</p><p>“Old habits die hard I guess.” She’s hardly going to admit how much she’s had to support Gabriel through this, “But no, I’m just here in a personal capacity.”</p><p>“Must be awkward for you.” Marc says, and then inexplicably winks.</p><p>She’s not sure whether she’s about to stutter out a denial or interrogate him, when Gabriel himself turns up next to her, and they switch to offering condolences before making a hasty exit. She can only hope he didn’t hear any of that.  </p><p>The only mercy is Amélie certainly didn’t as she’s still over the other side of the room.  Gabriel must have abandoned her once he got through the door.</p><p>She’s looks round to check Adrien’s ok and finds him with his cousin and one of his classmates. Infuriating as Felix is he’s unlikely to cause an issue here, since he was fond of his Aunt. Which is probably part of why he’s been glaring at her through most of the ceremony.</p><p>Then she’s distracted by Gabriel’s stiffening in irritation at someone and she has to interfere to smooth things over.</p><p>When she looks over again it looks like Felix is needling Adrien a little, but a little competition over a pretty girl won’t do Adrien any harm.  </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“How was Adrien?” she asks Gabriel, after.</p><p>“He seems alright. It’s been more strange form him than upsetting I think, but I do think it was the right thing for him, and for Emilie. “</p><p>“And for you?”</p><p>“And for me.” He admits.</p><p>“Good.” She smiles at him. She feels like she should do something more but she doesn’t know what’s appropriate in the circumstances.</p><p>He manages a weak smile back at her so hopefully it wasn’t totally insufficient.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It’s not until the next day when he reaches up to re-adjust his glasses that she realises that he’s not wearing his wedding ring.</p><p>Surely Amélie wouldn’t have asked for it at the funeral, but she can’t remember if he’d been wearing it there or not. Of course given what had happened last time Amélie and her son visited who knows what happened this time, but she hopes if that he gave it up it was of his own accord. </p><p>Nathalie’s not sure she approves. Surely Adrien has a much right to the rings as Felix?</p><p>Oh well. It’s not <em>her </em>family legacy.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The light from the sitting room attracts her attention. That’s odd. She goes in to turn it off and finds Gabriel working on his tablet.</p><p>“Something wrong with the Atelier?”</p><p>He sets the tablet down. “I couldn’t work with Emilie looking down at me. I know we did the right thing, but it’s hard to remember that in there. “</p><p>“I’m sorry.” She sits down next to him. “I hadn’t even considered that. Should I get it covered over or something?”</p><p>“I don’t think that’s actually your job at the moment, but no, I’ll adjust I suppose. It’s just I guess she really is gone now.”</p><p>She’s tempted to reach out for him, but in the circumstances it feels inappropriate. “Well, if there’s anything I can do?” she trails off.</p><p>“Could you stay for a while?”</p><p>“I can do that.”                                                                     </p><p>She waits for him to pick up his tablet but instead he reaches for her hand. “You are a great comfort to me, Nathalie. I don’t know how I’d get through this without you.”</p><p>“You don’t have to.” She offers.                                                          </p><p>They’re both looking into each other’s eyes and it’s as if time slows down as he leans in toward her. She’s trapped like a deer in headlights unable to move until his lips touch hers and suddenly it’s like a spell is broken, and she’s able to wrench her hand away and stand up.</p><p>“What was <em>that?” </em>she hisses, mind racing. They’d both been ignoring what had been admitted when discussing the portrait. She’d thought they were in agreement that was what they were doing. They’d been interacting normally. He’d just been talking about mourning Emilie.</p><p>“Shit. Nathalie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”</p><p>“What exactly did you mean to do? Please explain to me. Because I am struggling to see how you could do that on accident” She snipes at him.</p><p>He makes an attempt to start to speak but she cuts him out, “Is <em>this </em>how you’re going to mourn Emilie? Am I going to have to be concerned about you bringing random women back to the house? You’re not the man I thought you were.”</p><p>Unfair perhaps to allow him to use supervillainy as a coping mechanism but not meaningless affairs, but she doesn’t really care about being fair. Not when he knows how she feels and was ready to use her to distract himself from the choices he’s made.</p><p>“What?” Gabriel asks having the temerity to sound confused, “Where are you getting <em>that </em>from? I kissed you because I want you specifically, not someone random. I know it’s too soon, I didn’t mean to do it like that, I wanted to, well, I suppose it doesn’t matter what I wanted to do.”</p><p>No it doesn’t. “You don’t want me. Not really, you’re just lonely and reaching out to the closest available person. I can’t be that for you.”</p><p>He shakes his head. “I don’t want that from you. I want us to be together. Properly. The only other person I’ve ever felt like this for was Emilie.”</p><p>She turns to leave the room and shouts back at him “My god, Gabriel, we’ve not interchangeable. And maybe you should remember we don’t even know if my recovery will last before you try to use me as a replacement.” </p><p>When she turns as she passes through the doorway she freezes when she spots Adrien on the stairs. She hopes against hope he didn’t hear any of that, embarrassment aside, this is the last thing he needs to hear. She can only imagine how disappointed and betrayed he’d feel.</p><p>Gabriel follows her out unware, “I’m never said you were. I think I can tell the difference between the two of you. And you are getting better, every day without”</p><p>Realising he’s about to mention the Miraculous, she rushes to interrupts him “We shouldn’t have this conversation in front of Adrien.”</p><p>Gabriel looks past her and finally notices his son “Why are you out of bed?”</p><p>“I wanted a glass of water.” Says Adrien.</p><p>“Well, hurry up and get one.”</p><p> “And you wonder why I think this is a bad idea?” she says to Gabriel.</p><p>“Adrien is fine with us.”</p><p>“I’m happy for you” Adrien offers.</p><p>She looks between them. Gabriel had spoken in certainty, and Adrien looks far too unsurprised. There’s only one explanation. “You asked <em>Adrien </em>before starting on this ridiculous idea?”</p><p>“I wasn’t going to pursue someone without his permission.”</p><p>“I don’t even know how I’m supposed to react to this.” She says, escaping towards the stairs. “I’m heading to bed. Don’t follow me.”</p><p>She can vaguely hear Gabriel and Adrien talking once she’s got a safe distance away but she deliberately doesn’t listen.</p><p>She’d been furious at Gabriel in there. To do that when he knows how she feels about him, when she’d said she can’t be what he’d used to better himself. When she’d <em>jump </em>at the offer if she thought he actually was in love with her. She sinks on the bed in self-contempt and reaches up to touch her lips. She’d been cross at him thoughtlessly taking advantage of her feelings yes, but she wants to be angry at him for offering her a mockery of what she wants, because the alternative is being angry at herself for still wanting it.</p><p>But if he’d talked to Adrien, then it hadn’t been <em>thoughtless. </em>Stupid, ill-judged, and apparently he’d fallen victim to his usual impatience, but he had been thinking about it. It casts the disappearance of his wedding ring in a very different light.</p><p>He’d been thinking about it enough to talk to Adrien, and how she wishes she’d be there to hear that conversation. Adrien had <em>said </em>he’d been happy for them, but Gabriel had basically prompted that from him, and Adrien wants to please his father.</p><p>The idea of asking Adrien though. It’s mortifying, and possibly even pointless because she’s not sure she can ask about it without it be painfully obvious what answer she’s hoping for, and that’s not a fair burden to put on him. Not when unlike Gabriel he had no idea what was coming with his mother.</p><p>Which is another thing. It’s not right of Gabriel to dangle this idea of happy families in front of Adrien when she doesn’t even know if she’s going to keep getting better. She’s doing well now, but she’s has better periods too before, and she’s still just so tired all the time.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>She avoids him as much as possible. It’s less difficult than you’d think considering they’re living in the same house.</p><p>She goes to dinner for Adrien’s sake, but thankfully Gabriel does at least have the sense not to push anything there.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Down the other end of the table Adrien makes an exceedingly theatrical sigh of despair. His maths homework can’t be going well. It’s usually one of his better subjects but he can get fixated on small mistakes.</p><p>“All alright?”</p><p>Adrien doesn’t bother to look back up at her. “Urgh, I just can’t work out where I’ve gone wrong on this maths question, but I definitely have.”</p><p>He doesn’t look likely to crack it anytime so she heads over to him to get a better look at his workings. The algebra all looks fine, so he must have made a mistake in the calculations somewhere. They’re not numbers she can do in her head so she holds her hand out for the calculator and Adrien passes it over.</p><p>She goes through his numbers until she gets a different figure to his at one point. Pointing it out to Adrien she tells him to look at that.</p><p>To his credit he gets the issue immediately and seems much more satisfied with the final answer he gets.</p><p>Looking down at him she’s hit by a sudden wave of affection, and regret. She’d missed tutoring him, selfish as it was. She can’t quite make herself leave. He looked content enough, and Gabriel thought he was alright but with his mother’s death followed by whatever his father had said to him about her things must have been difficult.</p><p>Something must have shown on her face because he tries to reassure her. “It's alright, I’ve got it now.”</p><p>It wasn’t really his homework she was worried about. She sighs, “Are you sure you’re alright Adrien?”</p><p>“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” He asks as if he hasn’t had to deal with multiple upheavals in his life recently.</p><p>She picks her words carefully. “Things must be difficult with your mother’s death. I can’t believe that your father thought this was an appropriate time to talk to you about getting into a new relationship, never mind it being me, while I’m staying in your house.”</p><p>Just like the last time Adrien rushes to reassure her. “It wasn’t like that, he asked me how I felt about him dating you before they found Maman.”</p><p>“Before?” She asks in shock. She’d assumed that it had come up in one of the discussions they’d had after the funeral. That was a natural time to start discuss moving on surely, and it hadn’t been until after they laid Emilie to rest that Gabriel had seemed to decide that he wasn’t going to just ignore what was between them.  </p><p>“Yeah.” Adrien smiles completely unaware of what he’s just implied.</p><p>“I’m so sorry” tumbles out of her mouth before she can stop herself. She’d wanted Gabriel to stop and spend more time with Adrien, but she’d wanted him to do it <em>for Adrien. </em>She’d never be able to forgive herself if <em>she</em> was why the Adrien wouldn’t get his mother back.</p><p>Adrien wrinkles his nose in confusion. “What would you have to be sorry about?”</p><p>“I” she starts then gives up. She can’t explain any of this to him.</p><p>He clearly draws his own conclusions. “I don’t blame you for stealing him from her, if that’s what you think.  I know we only just had the funeral, but for my father and me it’s almost two years since we lost her really.”</p><p>It does make her feel better, undeserved as it might be. “You don’t?”</p><p>“No! I asked my father if there was something between you months ago, because I wanted him to be happy.”</p><p>“What? When?” Gabriel had never mentioned this to her, and while she still doesn’t like the idea of Adrien basing his feelings on what makes his father happy, it does make a difference if Adrien’s been considering this  on his own, rather than being blindsided by his father.</p><p>“The last time Aunt Amélie and Felix came. He didn’t take it well that time, but obviously things have changed.”</p><p>“So that’s what happened then. No wonder he didn’t want to tell me.” She’d always wondered what had happened between them that day.</p><p>“You do know I’m not lying when I say I’m happy for you right?” Adrien offers.</p><p>She doesn’t know how he came out so sweet in this house. “I know you want us to be happy, but it’s not your responsibility. We should be the one’s looking after you.”</p><p>Adrien frowns. “Before I say anything else, there is something between the two of you right? He's not seeing something that isn’t there? What’s happening, it’s not sexual harassment or something right?”</p><p>She must look like a goggle-eyed idiot. It feels like her brain takes a moment to come online processing the images he’s just created in her head. She’d never considered such a thing, but she can see how it could look like that. How technically under the company guidelines maybe it <em>does </em>qualify as that. She manages to get out. “I can promise your father isn’t sexually harassing me.”</p><p>Because for all she’s rebuffed him she’s never considered it that. Right now their work relationship seems such a tiny part of what’s between them. And she’s starting to realise, if she really wanted to put a stop to this she could <em>leave. </em>She’s able to live independently now. She could give in her notice. He’d be devastated but she could trust him not to give her a bad reference. Yet she’s never seriously considered either.</p><p>Perhaps she doesn’t actually want him to stop.</p><p>“Good.” Says Adrien, thankfully unaware of all the thoughts flying through her mind.</p><p>“I know he’s disappointed you recently, but he’s not that type of man.” She tries to reassure him.</p><p>“Well that’s a relief. Not that I really thought he was, but you seemed so resistant to it, and I didn’t want to make things worse.”</p><p>“How could you make things worse?” she asks confused.</p><p>“I wasn’t just trying to be helpful when I said I’d like it if you got together.”</p><p>“I know. You said you wanted us to be happy, I know you really did mean both of us, not just your father.”</p><p>“No, I mean, selfishly.” Adrien says looking guilty.</p><p>She frowns, unsure what he’s trying to say.</p><p>He continues “I guess I just want you to be part of our family officially. When you were in hospital people kept saying we weren’t related like that made a difference, and I got used to you living here with us too, and I just don’t want to lose you.”</p><p>Oh that dear child. He can’t know how much that means to her. “Adrien, I won’t leave you. Regardless of what happens with your father and my job, I’ll always be there for you” She pauses, “And, thank you for telling me, it does mean something to me.”</p><p>“So, are the two of you?”</p><p>She doesn’t want to lie. “It’s complicated.” Hawkmoth casts a long shadow on any relationship they might have, but perhaps it is a <em>might </em>rather than a never.  “But if anything does happen I can promise you’ll be the first person we tell.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>She raises an eyebrow when she sees Gabriel’s temporary assistant driving out from the house. That's early. Had she requested that or has he sent her away?</p><p>Her phone bings and she’s annoyed to see the icon flashing showing it’s a news alert. She really should disable those now.</p><p>She swipes her phone open anyway to dismiss it and freezes when she sees the word Hawkmoth.</p><p>Her heart sinks. Gabriel was supposed to be stopping.</p><p>She’d thought he <em>was </em>stopping. She’d been ready to accept his claims.</p><p>Where has this come from?</p><p>Dreading it she opens the notification to the webpage. There’s no akuma.</p><p>That. That doesn’t make sense. Why would he be out there with no Akuma, just waiting for the heroes to intercept him?</p><p>He’s been regretful about what he’s done, and she thinks everything Adrien and the heroes have said to him has hurt him more than he’s admitted, but she hadn’t seen any signs he was likely to seek out danger as some sort of punishment. He’s never been the type to act on regret. He wavers, when making a decision, but once he commits to doing something he just <em>does </em>it.</p><p>She refreshes the page frantically. When nothing more updates she opens up the TVi website and finds the rolling video broadcast.</p><p>Gabriel appears to be talking to the heroes. That’s something positive at least but she can’t find what he’s trying to get out of it. She doesn’t believe that he’s been lying about giving up the Wish, so what’s prompted this?</p><p> She flashes back to their argument and how she’d brought up the uncertainty of her health. Surely he wouldn’t go to them to ask for help for that without talking it through with her first. Then again, she hasn’t exactly made herself available has she?</p><p>Then the cameras lose them and she has to wait in terror.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The heroes have the Butterfly Miraculous.</p><p>They don’t have Gabriel.</p><p>They carefully don’t make any mention of having Hawkmoth or of who he is. They’re obviously hiding things but they’re never struck her as the type to take secret prisoners, and she dares to hope.</p><p>They don’t give any further information claiming they need to secure the situation, but she can recognise an escape from the press when she sees one. She’s sure they do want to put the Butterfly Miraculous safely away but that’s not why they’re refusing to talk further to the TV cameras.</p><p>Despite everything, despite the fact he there hadn’t been any akumas since he argued with Adrien, despite the fact he’d buried Emilie, despite the feelings he’d claimed to have for her she’d never really believed that he’d actually give up the Butterfly Miraculous.</p><p>But it seems like he has.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Someone’s buzzing the gate. She checks the camera expecting Gabriel and is surprised to see Adrien on foot. That’s odd. He should have been driven back from fencing. Today’s events shouldn’t have affected him.</p><p>“Are you ok?” she asks as she opens the door. </p><p> “Yeah. I’m totally fine, and apparently so is all of Paris, did you see the news?”</p><p>“I did.” She admits, “But it seemed hard to believe, why would Hawkmoth give up now?”</p><p>She realises too late that perhaps she shouldn’t have verbalised her understanding of the situation when Ladybug and Chat Noir hadn’t quite admitted that’s what happened but Adrien doesn’t seem to see anything odd in her assumption.</p><p>“No idea. But he does honestly seem to have done it.”</p><p>She frowns, has Adrien been talking to his superhero friends again. Is that why he’s on foot?  “How can you know that?”</p><p>He rolls his eyes. “My best friend’s girlfriend is the international Ladybug authority. I know lots of things.”</p><p>Whatever his source of information she’s quite ready to take advantage of it, “And he gave up the Butterfly miraculous?”</p><p>“Yeah, honestly I think it’s all for Mayura’s sake.”</p><p>“For Mayura’s sake?” She asks trying not to sound too interested. She’d been wondering what had made him give up the Miraculous now. He must have been considering it for a while, since before Emilie’s funeral even, but she’s hardly done anything to encourage him to give it up recently. Just what<em> has</em> Gabriel said to the heroes?</p><p>“Oh yeah, you wouldn’t know. He already gave Ladybug and Chat Noir the Peacock Miraculous. Apparently it was hurting her somehow. Ladybug didn’t want to say anything then, but I think it’s safe to admit it now. Anyway, he didn’t exactly admit why he was giving up  the Butterfly but reading between the lines I think he realised she and their child-Ladybug and Chat Noir, seem to think they have a kid, are more important whatever his goal was before.”</p><p>“Oh.” She exhales. Putting aside the idea of Adrien being <em>theirs,</em> she wants to believe what he’s telling her. She needs to know.  She needs to talk to Gabriel, and not in front of Adrien. “You don’t have any extra curriculars tonight do you?” she asks, even as she knows fencing was the only thing scheduled today, and she tries to think through her options.</p><p>“No” Adrien confirms. “Piano was yesterday, and Chinese is after school tomorrow, and I don’t have any basketball this week because the team we were supposed to play pulled out.”</p><p>An idea crosses her mind. Best of all it’ll work as a test for Gabriel and his other efforts too. “You’ve never had a sleepover have you?”</p><p>“No?” Adrian replies, looking lost.</p><p>“Who’s your best friend, that Nino?”</p><p>“Um, yeah.”</p><p>“His surname’s Lahiffe isn’t it? His parents will be on the class list?”</p><p>“…yes?”</p><p>“I’m going to ring his parents. You’re a teenager. I think you deserve a sleepover.”</p><p>“Now?” Adrien yelps, looking concerned she’s lost her mind.</p><p>She supposes this must look bizarre to him, but his father might be home any minute, and she can’t confront Gabriel and hide everything from Adrien at the same time. She smiles hoping she looks convincing.  “All of Paris has been awaiting Hawkmoth's defeat, you should be able to celebrate it with your friends, not with us boring adults.”</p><p>The concern doesn’t leave Adrien’s face. “Will my father be ok with that?”</p><p>“Don’t you worry about that” If things go as she’s hoping it shouldn’t be a problem. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>She keeps expecting Gabriel to turn up before she gets Adrien ready and sent off. Adrien’s bodyguard picks up her on her nervousness, but she brushes his concern off. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>By the time Gabriel arrived she’s managed to make herself at least appear calm. She’s not sure if she manages to maintain it with the flood of emotions that hits her when she sees him, but it wouldn’t be the worst thing she supposes.  She’s done with pushing her emotions for him down.</p><p>He looks around the hall “Where’s Adrien?”</p><p>She aims for nonchalance, “At a friend’s.”</p><p>He frowns. “I didn’t know he had anything scheduled.”</p><p>“He didn’t. It was a rather last minute idea on my part.” She decides to test the authority he's been ceding her over Adrien. “He’s having a sleepover.”</p><p>“What? Why?”</p><p>“I saw the news.”</p><p>“I don’t see the relevance.”</p><p>She reaches out under the pretence of straightening his lapel, “Don’t you think Hawkmoth’s surrender is something to celebrate? I'm sure the students at Françoise Dupont are excited that their teenage angst will no longer be exposed to the world.”</p><p>“And is that the only reason?”</p><p>“Adrien seems to have got the impression from his friends that Hawkmoth decided his son and Mayura were more important than what he’d been doing.”</p><p>Gabriel stills under her hand and she wonders if he’ll get distracted by the mention of mentions of Adrien’s friendships with the heroes but he says, “I hadn’t realised he was so transparent, but I wouldn’t say they’re wrong.”</p><p>“Well, doesn’t that give us things to talk about?”</p><p>“Talk?” he says raising his eyebrows in amusement.</p><p>It's as good an encouragement as she’s going to get, and she wants that encouragement. He isn’t Hawkmoth anymore, he doesn’t need her as a distraction. He's walking past Emilie’s pictures without constantly moping, he has finally accepted she’s gone. Her reasons for refusing him before are all tumbling down.</p><p>She just has to see if he still wants her.</p><p>She gathers her courage and tugs downwards on his blazer wishing she'd had the chance to change to her higher heels, and rising to the balls of her feet instead. He doesn’t resist, bending his head towards her, and she takes the chance to press her lips against his, before pulling away again.</p><p>He doesn’t give her the chance, pulling her back against him and into a deeper, proper kiss.</p><p>“I think I rather like your new definition of talking Nathalie.”</p><p>She blushes despite herself. “It’s not a permanent redefinition.”</p><p>“No, that might make our lives a bit difficult.”</p><p>“And, we do need to talk.”</p><p>He pouts. “Can I kiss you again first?”</p><p>She pulls his head back down again in answer.</p><p>This time when they stop one of his arms travels down from her back, and she instinctively moves, like she’s done so many times in their other identities, to let him scoop her up into his arms.</p><p>“Gabriel!” she cries, when her brain catches up with her body, “You’re not transformed now. Put me down, you’ll put your back out.”</p><p>He rolls his eyes. “I’ve carried you untransformed plenty of times, besides we’ve only going as far as the living room.”</p><p>He places her carefully on the sofa like she's made of porcelain, which, much as she appreciates not being chucked down is going to have to change if they’re doing this. Looking up from her reclined position for a moment she wonders if he's going to join her lying down, but then he sits down by her head. She squashes any regret. That definitely wouldn’t be conducive to any sort of conversation.</p><p>He looks down at her in question, “Well, come here then.”</p><p>She sits up and scoots over and ends up sat up against the arm of the chair with her legs over his.</p><p>Even sat down there’s still something of a height difference between them, and it's not helped by her not being quite upright. She finds it means his cravat is straight in her eyeline and she can’t stop herself from reaching out and pulling the damn thing off.</p><p>She releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding when there’s no Butterfly Miraculous underneath.</p><p>“It's alright, I gave it up, I wouldn’t deceive you like that.” He says taking the necktie away from her and leaning across to put it on the coffee table.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I”</p><p>“You had to see. God knows it still feels fake to me, and I was the one out there giving it up.”</p><p>She slumps back, “it’s going to take us a while to get back to normal isn’t it?”</p><p>“I’m not sure we want to get back to our old normal” he says, curling his hand round her head and stroking her hair. Then his eyes widen, “I’m an idiot.”</p><p>“Gabriel?”</p><p>“You’re going to be ok. I should have told you when I saw you, but, well, you were very distracting.”</p><p>“What should you have told me?”</p><p>“We did fix the Miraculous. Chat Noir told me.”</p><p>“I don’t understand. If it was fixed why did I end up in hospital?”</p><p>“Apparently the Miraculous has to re-adjust to the new magic, and what it did to you was part of the repair job.”</p><p>“So I’m going to be ok?”</p><p>“You’re going to be ok.”</p><p>A smile broke out of on her face, and Gabriel mirrored it.</p><p>“I’m going to be ok.” She stated, still in shock.</p><p>“You are.” He says, and presses a kiss to her forehead.</p><p>She tilts her head up to present her lips and he obliges her. She loses herself in the mixture of sensation and relief. His hands make their way to her torso, and she’s suddenly thankful she’s dressed casually, and there’s only the thin material of her top between his hands and her skin rather than her work jacket.</p><p>Eventually she manages to regain some of her sense, and pushes him back slightly, “Really though, if we’re doing is, then we need to talk.”</p><p>“I highly hope we’re doing this.”</p><p>“Then we need to decide what this is going to be. What are we going to say to Adrien? What are we going to say to HR?”</p><p>His left hand continues to draw patterns along her torso. “I can’t see Adrien being a problem, he was very enthusiastic about the idea which I brought it up.”</p><p>“Yes, I’m aware” she answers dryly, “and that’s the problem really isn’t it?”</p><p>“How is that a problem?”</p><p>“He’s sees us as a way to reassemble his family. That’s a lot to put on us. What happens if this doesn’t work out? What happens when I move out?”</p><p>He’d frowned when she’d brought up it not working out but to when he speaks it’s to say, “Why would you be moving out?”</p><p>“I promised I’d stay here until I was fully recovered. Regardless of what the doctors expect I think we can say I’m almost there.”</p><p>His hand stops its movement but doesn’t leave her side, “But that was before,”</p><p>“I haven’t dated for a while, but I’m fairly certain you don’t usually move in immediately.”</p><p>“You don’t usually have the knowledge we have of each other either. If you don’t want to move into my room I understand, and I’m not going to ask you to get rid of your apartment immediately, but, stay with us. Please.”</p><p>If she’s going to begin a relationship with this man she’s really going to need to get better at saying no to him. Thankfully in this case, he’s given her an easy out to focus on. “Did you really think I was just going to move into your bedroom?”  </p><p>“You can’t blame a man for hoping.”</p><p>“You can keep hoping.”</p><p>“More seriously, our situation is different to most peoples. Between our work and personal relationships you’ve already seen me at my worst. You’ve already proved you can live with us.”</p><p>“When you’ve been working in the Atelier separately from me most of the day!”</p><p>He shrugs, “You haven’t exactly stayed out of there recently.”</p><p>Heat rises to her cheeks. “You know that’s not the same. Anyway HR are going to be on our backs for this.”</p><p>“I’m not sure how much they can do, when I own most of the company.”</p><p>“<em>Gabriel.”</em></p><p>“What do you want to do?  I’m not sure how I’d cope with losing you at work, but if I have to give you up in a professional capacity to have you in a personal one I will.”</p><p>“You would?”</p><p>“I value you more than I value what you can do for me.”</p><p>“I don’t know. I like my job. I’m <em>good </em>at it, but I don’t know. It seems like a bad idea to mix the two.”</p><p>“Well, you’ve time to decide. You’re not due back yet.”</p><p>“Have you failed to inform them I’m healing faster than expected?”</p><p>“I believe best business practise is to follow the advice of the actual medical doctors.” He smirked.</p><p>“Like you care about that.”</p><p>“I care about you.”</p><p>She heart jolts in her chest. She knows he does, but hearing it is something else. “I know you do.”</p><p>Gabriel doesn’t seem convinced she’s understood him. “I do love you. I think I have for a while, it just took me a long time to realise, and longer to be ready to act on it.”</p><p>“I don’t think I’d have been ready to accept it sooner.”</p><p>“Perhaps, but I wish I’d been able to spare you everything I put you through.”</p><p>She sighs. “Can you say you would have realised without it?”</p><p>Seeing the shadow crossing his eyes, she regrets saying it.</p><p>“I wish I could, but without almost losing you, and Adrien showing me how much my claim of being Hawkmoth for him was a lie I don’t know if I would have.” He looks away from her towards his lap unable to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry Nathalie, you deserve better.”</p><p>She shifts forward so she’s almost on his lap and twists so she’s looking at him straight on, and cradles his face to encourage it upward.</p><p>“You’re the one I’m in love with though.” She says and leans forward to kiss the self-loathing out of him.</p><p>In one of their breaks between he manages to get out, “I’ve a lot to make up to you haven’t I?”</p><p>“I’m sure you’ll find a way.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So...this chapter kept wanted to go different places to the main fic, and had to be yanked back. *sigh*</p><p>Btw, Nathalie's portrait is inspired by </p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As ever if there's any particularly egregious typos or sentences that just don't make sense I won't be offended at all if you point it out.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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